hurray for girls

unfortunately for me and everyone within a 20 mile radius of me, sometimes i react poorly to good news. when i found out i was pregnant with scarlett, i cried. a lot and for a long time. i am quite embarassed to admit that. at the time, i had a plethora of what i thought to be well-founded reasons of why it wasn't the right time for me to be pregnant.
1. i deeply dislike maternity clothes.
2. i was attending spinning classes 6 times a weeks and was very close to becoming certified to teach.
3. i almost had visible abs. almost.
4. i liked sleeping on my stomach.
5. i was mad at thomas. he hadn't put a dirty dish back into the dishwasher to my exact specifications. (irrational anger is one of my tell-tale signs of pregnancy.)

my personal vanity had taken precendece over common sense and logical reason. i was like a pair of knee high platform boots. fun, but not very practical. i struggled with the fact that i needed to be a pair of ballet flats, still pretty, but not very adventurous. i couldn't grasp the fact that i could be the platform boots later and being a pair of ballet flats was what would bring me the most joy.

after a few days of moping and pouting, i was resting on my bed feeling sorry for myself. as i was staring at the ceiling, a sentence came to my mind, "pull it together. this is YOUR GIRL." since i believe that we all can receive personal revelation, that is what i took that prompting as. MY GIRL. i took my chastisement and i pulled it together. being that i am not very kid-friendly, or baby-minded, i shant paint a dreamy picture of ease and rapidly flattening post-baby stomachs and pathways of roses about being a mother. it's tough stuff. indeed the hardest thing i have ever done. but it has made me better.

after i had reagan, i was filled with the sense that i needed to be a better person. after i had scarlett, i felt strongly that i needed to be a better woman. i feel rage at what the world tells women and girls to be like. i do not believe that there is any strength in being promiscuous. i do not believe that there is happiness in selfishness. i know that true self worth comes from service and work and knowledge of our Savior Jesus Christ. i know that real power lies in being virtuous. i don't ever want scarlett to think that being crass and cheap is the best thing she can be. there is no freedom in making poor choices. i pray that i can instill this knowledge in my scarlett.
fortunately, though i am deeply flawed, i get to be scarlett's mother. what a blessing my darling littlebigmouth is to me. i have learned much. i know i still have much to learn.
last friday, a dear friend invited reagan over for a play-date and i was able to have some precious one on one time with scarlett. it was a dream. we went to target and looked at all the clearance clothes. we split a bag of m&ms most equitably. we had peanut butter sandwiches and bananas for lunch.
we took a walk around the neighborhood and blew a whistle and poked things with sticks.
we matched by wearing gray and brown dresses and metallic sandals.
i was even able to coax a "pretty" to stay clipped into her cat fur hair.


it was a pretty awesome day.
i like her. i love her. she makes me want to be better.

heidi and the horrible, terrible, no good, really bad week

since monday morning i have been a jerk. not just a jerk. but the jerkiest jerk of all time jerks. jerkier than homemade jerky in a RONCO food dehydrater. that jerky. everything that has gone on this week has felt like the utmost chore.

i guess i could blame it on my everloving cold that i have acquired, but that would be a cop out.

this morning, scarlett dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor as we were walking out the door. and not just any cereal, but frosted mini wheats. i had to leave the mess on the floor or we would have been late for our doctor's appointment. so, lucky for me, meatball came along and decided to help clean up. and now i am blessed with the most "regular" dog of all time. and then scarlett wanted to help clean up by eating the pieces on the floor that weren't good enough for the dog to devour.

and then i had to take the kids to the doctor. and that is just horrible in itself. reagan had to get FOUR shots and i was the one lucky enough to hold him down.

after the doctor it was off to the BANE OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, WAL-MART. holy hell, i hate that place. and for some reason i was stuck holding scarlett's partially licked lollipop for the duration of our escapade until i could find a garbage can. in the meantime, said lollipop touched every surface of the store and my body, including my hair. and at one point the lolli was in my mouth.

but it hasn't just been today that i have been a master cranky jerk, it's been everyday. EVERYTHING is bothering me.


i have been awful to my darling and long-suffering thomas. he brought me a wonderful gift, a paula deen copper bottom frying pan, on monday and i was completely unappreciative and then i cried about how unappreciative i had been. and then i have been kicking him in my sleep. just because he hasn't been turning his alarm off in time.


and last night i had to put myself in time-out from the kids because i was getting so annoyed that they weren't "playing" right. the normally dulcet tones of my soft and soothing voice(lies that was all lies!) are now shriekier and more shrill than ever!


and yesterday morning when i came into the kitchen, scarlett says, "oh, no! here comes the witch!" which they actually call me all the time(thomas taught them that), but i wanted to shout, "I'M NO WITCH! I'M NICE!" but that probably wouldn't have been very convincing.


and my hair. and my face! and my whole goshdarn body! don't even get me started on those three! TRAITORS! they have betrayed ME! i don't want my hair even touching me and i only want to wear a gigantic muumuu so that my waistband won't cut into my stomach!

and my car is against me too! oftentimes i can just get in my car and listen to my favorite tunes to help relieve some of the stress but for some reason my cd player in my car has decided to hold all my favorite cds hostage. so no smooth sounds of james taylor or chicago or sugarland for me. and radio stations are a joke. the poor buttons to my radio can't take the abuse of my pummeling them because they are playing the wrong songs. if i have to hear "no surprise" by daughtry one more time... SURPRISE i might plow into another car in traffic.

and THEN, there was a man wearing a t-shirt with a lowLOWlow v-neck and i just wanted to shout at him, "it's a t-shirt, not a wrestling singlet! you're grossing me out man!"

and i can't even read or watch tv without my snarkiness getting the best of me. why aren't theres any tv shows or books where the bad guys win?! just once, i would like to see pete get the best of mickey mouse. that mouse gets EVERYTHING!

imagine what i would be like if i had real problems?

let there be fish!

of late, reagan has taught me about the power of prayer. oftentimes reagan's prayers have consisted of gratitude for cars, bwessing scarlett and daddy and meatball and uncle mark(i am conspicuously omitted) and bwessing the food, occasionally even at dinnertime. they are a typical four year old's prayer. however, recently reagan has shown a great propensity for suggesting that we pray about things that i would never have considered praying about.

example 1-

reagan's diet varies from reese's puffs cereal to slices of processed cheese to hot dogs and it is all washed down with a swig of chocolate milk. his elevated tastes do not exactly conform to the food pyramid. as a result, reagan can become "stopped up". on one particularly difficult day, reagan was sitting in his office, working on a memo and nursing a cup of chocolate milk. reagan was struggling to complete the task at hand. we had tried all the tricks of the trade; brownies, frosted mini wheats, bananas, grapes. none were to his liking. finally, in desperation, reagan suggested that we pray to be able to complete the task at hand. i chuckled at the idea, but i encouraged him to do so. great is the faith of a child. within minutes of the prayer, reagan was finishing up the paperwork and was running off to play. his prayer was answered.

example 2-

reagan has two particularly favorite cars from the movie cars. one is boost, one of the street racers and the other is chick hicks. being that i am secretly evil, i take great pleasure in reagan choosing the villain of the movie as one of his "besties". it does a mother's heart proud to have a child think outside the box. reagan usually carries these cars with him at all times. one day, as luck would have it, reagan had misplaced a favorite car and he was desperately seeking chick hicks. he searched in all the usual spots but he was not having much luck. he was bugging me to my wits end about it. after i lost my temper, he sweetly suggested that we pray to find chick hicks. i am oftened humbled by my children. first, because he answered so humbly after i had been so snappy, and second, because he once again suggested prayer. after reagan's quick prayer, i felt prompted to go look in the way back of my car. lo and behold, chick hicks was perched on top of the stroller, just waiting to be rescued.

example 3-

uncle bonecrusher took us fishing at the pond in my mom's neighborhood. while we were able to enjoy an unusually cool august day, we weren't having much luck catching anything. again, with no prompting, reagan prayed for fish. not 5 minutes later...

ps- i caught the biggest fish.

uncle bonecrusher is the bomb dot com.(and available, ladies!)

the house overlooking the pond. not too shabby. reagan's next prayer will be for our ward boundaries to be realigned so that they include this house and then we will inherit a gabillion dollars from some long lost relative and we will to move to this house. and then i will spend the rest of my time shopping.

the end.

the thud heard 'round the world

otherwise entitled,
the story of the crib jumping incident that ultimately heralded in college football season: a series of fortunate events

event 1: last thursday morning around 7am, i was making breakfast preparations when i heard a ton of bricks hit the floor in one of the rooms above. because the thud shook the house to it's foundation, i thought perhaps thomas had fallen out of bed. thomas normally is up and gone by breakfast time but on this particular morning he was still sleeping since he had worked until 4am(the law is a jealous mistress). i ran upstairs to check the commotion. scarlett's door was open and the little she-monster was stumbling around her room. this was a big shock to me because scarlett is a crib sleeper and had never made any attempts to climb out of her bed, even with all my crib-escaping lessons that i had given her in the past. from the looks of it, scarlett had somehow shimmied over the side rail and fallen on her face. she looked like sylvester stallone at the end of rocky 4 and and her verbal articulation was not much better than sly stallone in any movie he's been in. she was having trouble answering simple questions and she was struggling with using her arms and legs and her eyes kept rolling back in her head and she couldn't keep her eyes open. and all she wanted to do was lay down. so, like any sane person whose child was acting like a beached whale, i drove methodically and calmly her to her doctor's office because i knew they would see her faster than the ER. just the week before i while i was running, i saw the E! news True Hollywood Story about the death of natasha richardson due to a blow to the head, so i knew i couldn't waste time. it was a blessing that thomas was home that morning so that he could stay with reagan at home. after a quick checkup, scarlett was deemed truly indestructible and i was advised to just watch her for the day and to not let her sleep too long. the only prescription given by the doctor was to move scarlett out of the crib ASAP.
and as fate would have it, we received a letter in the mail from nebraska furniture mart regarding scarlett's crib, the very same day. we were informed that her crib was being recalled because it was a detriment for small children who want to stay alive. the letter also stated that we were to return said death trap to the store and we would be issued a store credit.

event 2: uncle bonecrusher is back in town for about 6 weeks! we all love when uncle bonecrusher comes to visit! he makes very mundane things every exciting because he is such a novelty to the kids! he's like a human jungle gym. i love having him in town because he is a faithful gym partner. it's so wonderful to work out with him and be able to blame any inadvertent gas passing on him. no one would accuse me of flatulence when my little brother is there with me, right?

event 3: saturday night, the whole fam damily loaded up and made an excursion out to nebraska furniture mart in quest of returning the death trap and putting our store credit toward a couch for the man cave. and if you've never been to nebraska furniture mart before, it is almost date worthy. it contains a small restaurant, a coffee shop, and 10 football fields worth of furniture, carpeting, home decor and electronics. we already had a twin bed for scarlett and we could think of nothing better to do than make our basement a haven for college football viewing. we were victorious. we scored an amazing deal on a very slightly used couch(we think it was repossesed) complete with cup holders and built-in massager.

event 4: this week, with the help of uncle bonecrusher, we did some furniture rearranging in the man cave. we moved the best tv downstairs and created our college football viewing arena.

unfortunately, this meant moving the heaviest tv known to man upstairs, out of the college football viewing arena. this particular tv was gifted to us a few years back and has served us well. at its creation it was entombed in a solid oak swiveling entertainment box and stand. this added about 400 pounds to the regular weight of the tv. it requires at least 2 people to move up and down our twisting basement stairs. also, because it is entombed in solid oak, it is as slick as an onion. at one point on the stairs, the tv slipped and came hurtling back down the stairs. because i was a bystander and not a mover, all i could do was stick my bionic arm out to feebly attempt to catch it. luckily, uncle bonecrusher sacrificed his body and stopped the tv from going through a wall. however, because of the great force of the tv, uncle bonecrusher's bionic bottom went through the wall.

event 5: the hole in the wall on the basement stairs is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to my poor entertainment deprived children. scarlett has stared in fascination at this hole as if it is the 8th wonder of the world(and if you think about it, it's way cooler than that horrible kimberley locke 8th wonder song, so scarlett is partially right). reagan has decided that the hole in the wall is a secret passage. and of course, it's also something for the kids to fight over. it's like a toy, but cost a lot less.

after further explanation to the children of what happened to the wall, scarlett has deemed the wall, uncle mark's poo poo. since that is a little embarassing, and she says it about 64 times a day, i attempted to teach her another phrase for describing the hole. using deductive logic she renamed it, uncle mark's bottom hole.

hurray for college football.

awesometown. more than just a name.

a list of a few of the awesome things taking up all our time.

awesome thing #1
my mom turned 35.


i made her a cake with twice as much frosting as the recipe called for.



awesome thing #2
the city has been ripping out the old gutters and putting in new ones.

the gruesome twosome have been mesmerized. it reminds me of when i was in college and they were putting in the huge new underground portion of the HBLL. i would sit mystified for hours(like i really spent that much time in the library) staring at the backhoes and dump trucks working. it was hypnotizing.



awesome thing #3
scarlett discovered my eyebrow waxing numbing cream. she decided it was lotion and rubbed it all over her body. hair, face, legs, stomach, everything. she was probably so numb that she didn't know she was in the bathtub.

awesome thing #4

the weather has been spring-like all summer. mostly 80s and low 90s. this is the coolest summer i have ever experienced 'round these parts. we have been able to play outside and enjoy taking walks in our wagon around our 'hood.

awesome thing #5
thomas turned 33. and he is just awesome in general.

even uncle bonecrusher was able to make it down from BYU-I for the occasion.

marky mark, thomas and my dislocated shoulder.

in case there was any confusion.


ring around the rosie-our homage to the black plague

beck speak term-blub

adjective(i ate so much that i am blubby), noun(a blub), verb(to blub it up) english origin

-what one becomes when you eat like we do- barbequed boston butt, shrimp n' grits, hangaburs with bleu cheese, root beer, chips and guac, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, a peach pie, homemade chocolate ice cream, cookies n' cream ice cream and three and a half cakes in two weeks(one chocolate chocolate, one white with chocolate, one mini black and white smiley face cake and one piece de resistance: red velvet cake with a brownie layer and gobs of cream cheese frosting.)

blub-tastic

awesome thing #6

a special birthday quiz prepared in honor of big T.

Thomas’ Quiz on Culture

1. Thomas’ football position in high school and college?
a. center b. quarterback
c. h2o engineer d. tight end(very tight end)

2. Audio question: (a voice message from a true southerner on our answering maching)
a. Who is this person asking for?
b. What do they assume has happened?
c. Who do you think the caller is?

3. As a youth, Thomas’ brother had a small dog named O.J. What was Thomas’ dog’s name?
a. George b. Spurrier e. Count Chocula
c. Herschel d. Omelette

4. What was Thomas’ law journal article titled?
a. A Comment on an Inherently Flawed Concept: Why the Restatement (Third) of Agency Should Not Include the Doctrine of Inherent Agency Power
b. Why Can’t Martha Stewart Have A Gun?
c. Artful Prior Art and the Quality of DNA Patents
d. Judicial Faithfulness or the Wandering Indulgence? Original Intentions and the History of Marbury vs. Madison

5. Name Thomas’ favorite movie.
a. O Brother, Where Art Thou? b. Top Gun
c. My Cousin Vinny d. Deliverance

6. Which Southern-themed movie always makes heidi cry?
a. Steel Magnolias b. Deliverance
c. Gone With The Wind d. Smokey and the Bandit

Southernisms matching: Translation/definition portion-

7. Jeet yet-
8. Hangernade-
9. Fixin’-
10. Showin’ her bottom-
11. Damyankees-
12. Farn-
13. Bob war-
14. Gubmint-
15. Bless her heart-
16. Jewhere
17. Lemme tell-ah sumpin-
18. SEC-
19. Awl-
20. Po-lease
21. UGA

a. I’m about to express my strong opinion on the matter

b. Person residing somewhere North of Richmond and West of Little Rock (or South of Jacksonville, FL)

c. Type of metal fencing adorned with small, sharp metal prongs; used to restrain livestock

d. The greatest conference in college football

e. Have you eaten anything?

f. Every one of you

g. Person who either was not born in the U.S. or whose parents, grandparents or great-grandparents were not born in the U.S.

h. Tactical field explosive; activated by removing a small pin and lobbing in the direction of the target

i. She is an idiot (or the thing she did was remarkably stupid)

j. About to; on the verge of beginning

k. Young girl’s demonstration of unruly behavior

l. Entity exercising political authority over a geographic area (always used pejoratively)

m. Law enforcement authorities

n. Have you heard?

o. Majestic and Regal college football mascot that frequently appears at wedding receptions, gentile baptisms and some funerals

answer key-1. A 3. C 4. A 5. B. 6. A 7. E 8. H 9. J 10. K 11. B 12. G 13. L 14. I 15. N 16. A 17 D 18. F 19. M 20. O

suburbia strikes back

1. DO NOT LITTER.

2. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

3. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT THE WINDOW.

4. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN,(DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF TURN SIGNAL USE) ONTO THE STREET.

5. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN, ONTO THE STREET ACROSS FROM MY HOUSE WHILE I AM STANDING IN MY GARAGE WATCHING.

6. AND DON'T YOU EVEN SLOW DOWN TO LAUGH AT ME WITH YOUR BIG, STUPID, SIDEWAYS, WANNABE GANGSTA CAP ON YOUR BIG, IGNORAMUS FACE, AS I AM SCREAMING AT YOU LIKE A BANSHEE CAT IN HEAT.

7. YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THAT DECISION. YOU DUMB PUNKS.

saturday i spent nearly 6 and one half hours in my yard doing various forms of gardening and homeownership maintenance. i take great pride in my home and my neighborhood.

the last thing i want to see is some over-indulged kids driving around, disobeying traffic laws and carelessly throwing their garbage on the ground. i don't think those kids had any idea who they were messing with. i DO NOT take things lying down. thomas heard all the blood-curdling screaming and came outside to see who was about to be murderized. i quickly explained the situation and we jumped in the car to chase the perpetrators down. (okay, we were already planning a quick trip to the grocery store and the kids were already buckled in their seats. but we did collect their garbage and i made photographic evidence in case we saw a charcoal gray chevy blazer missouri license plate number FD9 A9Y with a varsity cheerleading sticker and the name "shelbie" on the backglass en route to hy-vee.

thanks to my intrepid detective skillz, the future burdens on government and society, or FBOGAS, as they will heretofore be termed, were spotted returning from the same hy-vee that we were headed to. thomas flipped a quick U-turn and we carefully and cautiously chased them back to the 'hood. they pulled up to their residence and thomas skillfully blocked them in. unfortunately, i was not the calm one in this situation(a first) and thomas decided to handle this alone. i took notes from the car. i restrained myself from taking pictures. at first they used the, "just-don't-look-at-that-large-man-coming-at-you" method of avoidance. not a smart move since a man of thomas' size is hard to ignore. when thomas tried to return the offending garbage to it's owners, they utilized the, "that's not mine" method of denial. i must note that the attire of the 3 male members of the FBOGAS was sleeveless football t-shirts from a local high school, making them highly identifiable. and thanks to "shelbie's" gender and cheerleading booty shorts, it was not hard to guess who she was. after additional firm, but kind prodding from thomas, the FBOGAS who actually lived on our block took the fast food garbage from thomas. no blood shed. no yelling. but, no apologies. all in a hard day's work.

i wonder if reagan and scarlett realize that they have the most embarassing parents ever?

REGULATORS! mount up!

*we are not dangerous. reagan had already removed his safety belt and we had come to a full stop in the parking lot when i took this team photo.

note to self: i really need to get in control of my screaming voice if people are going to take me seriously as a neighborhood anti-littering enforcer.

livin' large since 2002

july 9, 2009
seven years of wedded bliss!



this is just a glimpse of the card. i left off the dirty stuff. i can't wait for the 32nd anniversary. i plan on taking a bath in cream cheese. i think the year 27 anniversary gift would be more fitting after that.

since this is our 7th anniversary, this is what i plan on getting to celebrate our anniversary:


it's only fitting.

the requisite list of things that thomas does that rock my world:

1. when we were first married thomas used to carry around a pocket version of the declaration of independence and the constitution of the united states. he is probably the person most familiar with the workings of the government of the united states of america that i know. one time shortly after we were married, he was a little late meeting me to go home for the day. his excuse, "sorry, i really got caught up reading in a section of the constitution. it's fascinating!"

2. thomas always lets me say bad things about other people, organizations, events, places and whatnot that i couldn't normally get away with saying around regular people without them thinking that i was completely evil. and he never thinks that i am completely evil, just partially. he already knows how i am and i've never tried to hide that from him. he sometimes refers to me as the world's only living heart donor, since i tend to be cold and thoughtless on occasion. and he loves me anyway.

3. thomas always humors me by watching ridiculous movies that i have dvr'd. we don't like most TV shows, but we love some of the random almost good, but pretty much bad movies from yesteryear. some recent highlights include: highlander, purple rain, and road house(SO AWESOME). he will also record super nerdy things that he thinks that i will enjoy(and i do!). a few weeks ago he recorded a documentary on elvis presley focusing on his deep rooted love of gospel music. other times he has recorded things that reference things i like, such as MTV's special about taylor swift going to prom with a boy from hillcrest high school in tuscaloosa, alabama. or haunted mansions of savannah, georgia. you know, real high brow stuff. his most favorite thing to watch with me is AWA wrestling classics from the 80s, when wrestling was SO fake that they didn't even need steroids. i keep trying to convince him to abandon his day job and create an alter-ego with a name like, LEGAL BEAGLE, the Mad Dawg from the Dirrrty South(HE WILL LAY DOWN THE LAW IN THE RING!), so that he can become a pro-wrestler. there is something so hot about a man in spandex and knee-high boots. and a little uncomfortable too.

4. thomas is always encouraging me to do new things and be the best that i can be. he always asks me the about highlights(and mostly lowlights) from my volleyball games, he is my biggest supporter in my running endeavors, he thinks that i nothing short of a genius. often he will leave out articles from the wall street journal for me to read. sometimes he truly wants my opinion, lots of time he just want to light my fuse and enjoy the explosion. every girl should marry a guy who makes her feel like she is the best and most important thing in his life.

5. thomas is a rock solid sunday school teacher. as long as we have been married, he has almost always been ask to teach one type of sunday school class or another. he has an incredible knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. he has a natural gift for teaching and he amazes me with his dedication in preparing his lessons and trying to meet the spiritual needs of his class.

6. thomas is our kid's favorite. even the dog loves him better than me! and that doesn't bother me one bit. i relish the fact that they look forward to their daddy coming how each evening.

7. thomas doesn't cook a ton of things, but the things he makes are out of this world. no one makes better hot cheesy grits or home made ice cream better than thomas. he has mixing crystal light with the absolutely perfect proportions of water, ice and powder down to an art form.

8. thomas is proud of his southern roots like no other. he will be a southern boy until the day he dies, and when he dies, he will live on the south side of heaven. and in his heaven, there will be heat and humidity and huge bugs and people totin' large weaponry and driving big ole trucks with jacked up tires and wearing seersucker suits. and thomas' heaven will have not florida gators fans anywhere near him. all the florida fans will be banished to hell.

7 years down, an eternity to go!!!

reagan mcfly

when el presidente decides that he really, really likes something, he throws himself into it whole hog. his latest "favorite" is his life jacket. he loves to go swimming and he loves to make a fashion statement. you can always tell which days we have gone swimming because reagan will have his jacket on for the rest of the day.

reagan ready for any monster waves that might get him in the living room:

watching reagan play reminded me of the movie back to the future. a cinematic classic.

Biff Tannen: What are you looking at butthead?
Skinhead: Hey Biff, get a load of this guy's life preserver. Dork thinks he's gonna drown

not that reagan is in any way a dork. he is wonderful and most precious to me.

during my college years, my roommates and i had a neighbor who just loved back to the future, brian emerson. brian was a special soul. you could count on a brian visit like the sun rising, it happened each day like clockwork. he was absolutely head-over-heels-in-love with my roommate jessica. his distinctive slow, drawn-out knock put everyone in the house on alert to his presense. occasionally brian would bring a gift for our house's occupants. oftentimes it was flowers with roots still attached that he had just pulled from a neighbor's lawn. you would often see brian riding his bike around town, disobeying traffic laws, listening to the back to the future soundtrack on his walk-man. brian had the entire movie memorized word for word so along with his visits, you could always count on a few choice back to the future quotes from him. his quotations were always the highlight of his visit.

noteworthy back to the future quotes:


Dr. Emmett Brown: [holding Marty's video camera] No wonder your president has to be an actor, he's gotta look good on television






Marty McFly: Where are my pants?
Lorraine Baines: Over there, on my hope chest






Marty McFly: I just don't know if I can go through with it... hitting on her.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Nobody said anything about hitting her! You've just got to take a few liberties with her. [he winks]
Marty McFly: See! That's what I mean - I mean, gosh! I c-can't believe I'm actually gonna feel up my own mother. You know this is the sort of thing that could screw me up permanently. Well what if I go back to the future and I end up being... [he moves his hands around]
Marty McFly: ... gay?
Dr. Emmett Brown: Why shouldn't you be happy?






Dr. Emmett Brown: I'm sure that in 1985 plutonium is available in every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by.







and for those of you in the know, this little gem is in honor of brian emerson:

Biff Tannen: I can't believe you'd *loan* me your car without telling me it had a blind spot. I could've been killed!
George McFly: Now, now, Biff, now I never noticed that, uh, the car had any blind spot before when I would drive it. Hi, son.
Biff Tannen: But what are you, blind, McFly? It's there. How else do you explain that wreck out there?
George McFly: Now, Biff, um, can I - Can I assume that your, uh, insurance is gonna pay for the damage?
Biff Tannen: My insurance? It's your car. Your insurance should pay for it. I wanna know who's gonna pay for this. [shows his shirt]
Biff Tannen: I spilled beer all over when that car smashed into me. Who's gonna pay my cleaning bill?

brian, wherever you are, this ones for you!!!

Don’t need money, don’t take fame

Don’t need no credit card to ride this train

It’s strong and it’s sudden and it’s cruel sometimes

But it might just save your life

That’s the power of love,

That’s the power of love

scarlett: stinking up the place since 2007

june 28, 2007

june 28, 2009

reagan with the requisite one-eyed pirate smile whilst antagonizing scarlett by touching her head. reagan only pesters scarlett in one way. he must touch her head. they don't hit, they don't wrestle, they don't really tease each other. reagan has all of his big brotherly annoyances reduced to one annoyed touch of the head. i have seen the physical anguish in his face when he is trying to make the decision to annoy her or not. sometimes when i am watching he will forgo the head touch and just touch her head with his nose. i think he thinks that i am convinced that he is kissing her, but i know better. he is merely disguising his pester as an endearing touch. which it is anything but.

a brief tutorial on making a scarlett o'hara birthday cake:

1. go to your local craft store and spend some time in the cake decorating aisle.

2. become discouraged at the time and economic commitment that a cake of this magnitude is going to require.

3. drive to the local grocery store bakery.

4. have the head baker modify the belle disney princess cake into a make-shift scarlett o'hara.

and so it turns out looking like this:
which is a far cry from this:
5. vow that next year's scarlett o'hara cake will make this year's abysmal scarlett faux'hara cake very distant memory.

happy birthday scarlett grace!

girls cramp 2009

i think this pretty much sums it all up:




most of my girls camp memories have been carefully repressed. the few memories i can dredge up involve inordinate amounts of junk food, laying on the floor of our tents hiding from leaders when asked to go to flag ceremony or certification classes, and hanging a ricky van shelton poster on the wall of our cabin to make it feel more like home. i do not recall being a ricky van shelton fan but i remember the poster as clear as day.
as apprehensive as i was about attending girl's camp as a youth, i looked forward to attending as a leader because i adore the young women of the church. while i am not a natural born camper, i do try and have enthusiam for anything that i am needed to do. this enthusiam was greatly needed at camp this past week.
things i accomplished at girls camp:

i discovered my natural born killer instincts: no very slow moving, very large animal or person or inanimate object is safe within 10 feet of me.


we baked muffins inside of orange peels over an open fire:

i demonstrated to the girls how abstinence works by abstaining from ice blocking. my good humor and willingness to try anything had left me at this point of camp.

also, ice block + big hill + recurring nightmare about knocking all my teeth out = NO WAY JOSE

it's a simple equation really. no need to get a calculator out.
but amazingly enough my wonderful mother took a quick turn driving an ice block down a hill. she is obviously not as concerned about her teeth as i am:

i was blessed to be able to work with some of the most awesome women of all time. camp was a success because of these three women; little P! tanner, sarahvance, and belinda. i am only in the picture to balance it out:

bonding time with my mom: we mostly discussed the quickest exit from camp without too many people noticing. the ticks were getting a little out of hand. any ticks at all is too many.

i pretended to be a pioneer by sleeping on the provided cots. i affectionately dubbed my cot, "lawn chair", because it was almost as luxurious as your typical picnic table, but not quite. during the thunderstorms, belinda would scoot her cot over to mine and we would spoon. she was next to the screened in window and the torrential downpour proved to be too much fun for her.

bonding with wonderful friends:
this picture was taken on the first morning at camp. notice the excitement on our faces. the night before, camp was bombarded with the thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms. the next morning we woke up to mud, millipedes and 60 degree weather. i only packed one longsleeve t shirt on a whim. in all my many many camp years, i have never experienced camping without dripping sweat. needless to saw, i wore this shirt for 3 of the 4 days of camp.

the final day of camp: notice the bleary-eyed desperation in our faces. WHO HAS A TOILET WITH A WORKING FLUSH? ANYONE??? ANYONE??? on me you will notice the same long sleeve t-shirt, only this time accesorized with bug guts, crusty day-old scrambled eggs and the same braids in my hair. i was the epitome of gross. in my defense, i did rinse my braids with shampoo one day.

i bonded with some of my lovely girls: i think they were making fun of me. note to self, no more mom jeans. i oughta smack those smiles right off their faces.

and no girls camp is complete without at least one bit of drama. whilst my group of girls was canoeing, someone(NOT ME!!!) locked my keys in my car. we were about 1 hour from camp. i am a tad embarassed that my reaction to this travesty was not the most mature response. i banged my head against the window glass repeatedly and silently threatened to drown the perpetrator. perhaps all my threats were not silent. and then i cried when i talked to my mom and thomas on the phone. thankfully, someone with a cooler head prevailed and belinda drove me downtown to thomas' office and so that i could pick up the spare key. on the 29th floor of thomas' office building. in my stinky camp shirt and swimsuit and wet shorts that i had worn in the lake. and a do-rag on my head and a sunburn on my face. and of course, my classy braids. that was the longest elevator ride of my life. i am sure that thomas' co-workers were so impressed. i looked homeless. and i would have accepted any cash offered me.

next year, i hope they have fun without me.