suburbia strikes back

1. DO NOT LITTER.

2. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

3. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT THE WINDOW.

4. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN,(DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF TURN SIGNAL USE) ONTO THE STREET.

5. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN, ONTO THE STREET ACROSS FROM MY HOUSE WHILE I AM STANDING IN MY GARAGE WATCHING.

6. AND DON'T YOU EVEN SLOW DOWN TO LAUGH AT ME WITH YOUR BIG, STUPID, SIDEWAYS, WANNABE GANGSTA CAP ON YOUR BIG, IGNORAMUS FACE, AS I AM SCREAMING AT YOU LIKE A BANSHEE CAT IN HEAT.

7. YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THAT DECISION. YOU DUMB PUNKS.

saturday i spent nearly 6 and one half hours in my yard doing various forms of gardening and homeownership maintenance. i take great pride in my home and my neighborhood.

the last thing i want to see is some over-indulged kids driving around, disobeying traffic laws and carelessly throwing their garbage on the ground. i don't think those kids had any idea who they were messing with. i DO NOT take things lying down. thomas heard all the blood-curdling screaming and came outside to see who was about to be murderized. i quickly explained the situation and we jumped in the car to chase the perpetrators down. (okay, we were already planning a quick trip to the grocery store and the kids were already buckled in their seats. but we did collect their garbage and i made photographic evidence in case we saw a charcoal gray chevy blazer missouri license plate number FD9 A9Y with a varsity cheerleading sticker and the name "shelbie" on the backglass en route to hy-vee.

thanks to my intrepid detective skillz, the future burdens on government and society, or FBOGAS, as they will heretofore be termed, were spotted returning from the same hy-vee that we were headed to. thomas flipped a quick U-turn and we carefully and cautiously chased them back to the 'hood. they pulled up to their residence and thomas skillfully blocked them in. unfortunately, i was not the calm one in this situation(a first) and thomas decided to handle this alone. i took notes from the car. i restrained myself from taking pictures. at first they used the, "just-don't-look-at-that-large-man-coming-at-you" method of avoidance. not a smart move since a man of thomas' size is hard to ignore. when thomas tried to return the offending garbage to it's owners, they utilized the, "that's not mine" method of denial. i must note that the attire of the 3 male members of the FBOGAS was sleeveless football t-shirts from a local high school, making them highly identifiable. and thanks to "shelbie's" gender and cheerleading booty shorts, it was not hard to guess who she was. after additional firm, but kind prodding from thomas, the FBOGAS who actually lived on our block took the fast food garbage from thomas. no blood shed. no yelling. but, no apologies. all in a hard day's work.

i wonder if reagan and scarlett realize that they have the most embarassing parents ever?

REGULATORS! mount up!

*we are not dangerous. reagan had already removed his safety belt and we had come to a full stop in the parking lot when i took this team photo.

note to self: i really need to get in control of my screaming voice if people are going to take me seriously as a neighborhood anti-littering enforcer.