Wednesday, September 23, 2009

doing what comes naturally

great things occurred this past weekend. me and the old man loaded up and headed down to fayetteville, arkansas to watch georgia kick the snot out of arkansas. one thing was for certain. if i ever have to hear 70,000 hillbillies yell, "sooie pig!" again in my life, it will be too soon.
i took a gratuitious amount of self-portraits. picture taking annoys thomas to death, but he obliged me on a few occasions. ps- i was having a KILLER hair day until it started raining. and then we had to walk 17 miles in search of a restaurant that we never found and i don't believe actually exists. that's what we get for getting directions from an arkansas fan. perhaps he thought i said trough?
we sat on the second to top row in the tip toppiest section of the stadium. we could almost see kansas city from our vantage point.
one thing occurred to me while we watched this game. thomas and i are not the same people we were when we met. some things will always stay the same, like me not liking to hear his uninspired opinions on what i am wearing and the fact that he will NEVER EVER in a million gabillion years listen to my excellent opinions on his fashion choices. one big change is the fact that i actually know what is going on on the football field about 90% of the time. i used to pester thomas mercilessly with questions about the game at completely inappropriate times. pretty soon he will be asking me my opinions about why i prefer a passing game to running the ball and why it irks me to no end that terrell owens doesn't get the credit he deserves. another big change has been temperament. thomas has always been the one who has had plenty to say to loudmouth jerky fans who sit around us at games and i was always the one concerned about not offending other people, even if they were super rude to us. but at this game, thomas sat (mostly) calm and made friends with a few of the arkansas fans around us while i had to bite my tongue until i tasted blood several times(and let one comment slip) when filthy, expletive-laden comments were directed towards me and my choice of team. the next thing you know, that whole TV thing is going to finally catch on and kids will travel to school on hoverboards and goldie wilson will take night classes and become mayor of hill valley(movie anyone?). will wonders never cease?

my darling thomas, happier than a jackass with a mouthful of briars. i love this picture so much that i think i am going to add it to my wall of fame pictures in my living room. i think this will make an excellent 16x20.
i was just as happy as thomas was because i knew we were headed to get some victory ice cream. i actually consumed ice cream on three different occasions that weekend. a delicious vanilla cone from mcdonald's on the way down, a small tub of cookies and cream in the car on the way back to the hotel after the game, and i consumed enough ice cream at my mom's house to feed a small army of kindergartners. i like football almost as much as i like ice cream.

sooie pig indeed.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

hurray for girls

unfortunately for me and everyone within a 20 mile radius of me, sometimes i react poorly to good news. when i found out i was pregnant with scarlett, i cried. a lot and for a long time. i am quite embarassed to admit that. at the time, i had a plethora of what i thought to be well-founded reasons of why it wasn't the right time for me to be pregnant.
1. i deeply dislike maternity clothes.
2. i was attending spinning classes 6 times a weeks and was very close to becoming certified to teach.
3. i almost had visible abs. almost.
4. i liked sleeping on my stomach.
5. i was mad at thomas. he hadn't put a dirty dish back into the dishwasher to my exact specifications. (irrational anger is one of my tell-tale signs of pregnancy.)

my personal vanity had taken precendece over common sense and logical reason. i was like a pair of knee high platform boots. fun, but not very practical. i struggled with the fact that i needed to be a pair of ballet flats, still pretty, but not very adventurous. i couldn't grasp the fact that i could be the platform boots later and being a pair of ballet flats was what would bring me the most joy.

after a few days of moping and pouting, i was resting on my bed feeling sorry for myself. as i was staring at the ceiling, a sentence came to my mind, "pull it together. this is YOUR GIRL." since i believe that we all can receive personal revelation, that is what i took that prompting as. MY GIRL. i took my chastisement and i pulled it together. being that i am not very kid-friendly, or baby-minded, i shant paint a dreamy picture of ease and rapidly flattening post-baby stomachs and pathways of roses about being a mother. it's tough stuff. indeed the hardest thing i have ever done. but it has made me better.

after i had reagan, i was filled with the sense that i needed to be a better person. after i had scarlett, i felt strongly that i needed to be a better woman. i feel rage at what the world tells women and girls to be like. i do not believe that there is any strength in being promiscuous. i do not believe that there is happiness in selfishness. i know that true self worth comes from service and work and knowledge of our Savior Jesus Christ. i know that real power lies in being virtuous. i don't ever want scarlett to think that being crass and cheap is the best thing she can be. there is no freedom in making poor choices. i pray that i can instill this knowledge in my scarlett.
fortunately, though i am deeply flawed, i get to be scarlett's mother. what a blessing my darling littlebigmouth is to me. i have learned much. i know i still have much to learn.
last friday, a dear friend invited reagan over for a play-date and i was able to have some precious one on one time with scarlett. it was a dream. we went to target and looked at all the clearance clothes. we split a bag of m&ms most equitably. we had peanut butter sandwiches and bananas for lunch.
we took a walk around the neighborhood and blew a whistle and poked things with sticks.
we matched by wearing gray and brown dresses and metallic sandals.
i was even able to coax a "pretty" to stay clipped into her cat fur hair.

it was a pretty awesome day.
i like her. i love her. she makes me want to be better.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

heidi and the horrible, terrible, no good, really bad week

since monday morning i have been a jerk. not just a jerk. but the jerkiest jerk of all time jerks. jerkier than homemade jerky in a RONCO food dehydrater. that jerky. everything that has gone on this week has felt like the utmost chore.

i guess i could blame it on my everloving cold that i have acquired, but that would be a cop out.

this morning, scarlett dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor as we were walking out the door. and not just any cereal, but frosted mini wheats. i had to leave the mess on the floor or we would have been late for our doctor's appointment. so, lucky for me, meatball came along and decided to help clean up. and now i am blessed with the most "regular" dog of all time. and then scarlett wanted to help clean up by eating the pieces on the floor that weren't good enough for the dog to devour.

and then i had to take the kids to the doctor. and that is just horrible in itself. reagan had to get FOUR shots and i was the one lucky enough to hold him down.

after the doctor it was off to the BANE OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, WAL-MART. holy hell, i hate that place. and for some reason i was stuck holding scarlett's partially licked lollipop for the duration of our escapade until i could find a garbage can. in the meantime, said lollipop touched every surface of the store and my body, including my hair. and at one point the lolli was in my mouth.

but it hasn't just been today that i have been a master cranky jerk, it's been everyday. EVERYTHING is bothering me.

i have been awful to my darling and long-suffering thomas. he brought me a wonderful gift, a paula deen copper bottom frying pan, on monday and i was completely unappreciative and then i cried about how unappreciative i had been. and then i have been kicking him in my sleep. just because he hasn't been turning his alarm off in time.

and last night i had to put myself in time-out from the kids because i was getting so annoyed that they weren't "playing" right. the normally dulcet tones of my soft and soothing voice(lies that was all lies!) are now shriekier and more shrill than ever!

and yesterday morning when i came into the kitchen, scarlett says, "oh, no! here comes the witch!" which they actually call me all the time(thomas taught them that), but i wanted to shout, "I'M NO WITCH! I'M NICE!" but that probably wouldn't have been very convincing.

and my hair. and my face! and my whole goshdarn body! don't even get me started on those three! TRAITORS! they have betrayed ME! i don't want my hair even touching me and i only want to wear a gigantic muumuu so that my waistband won't cut into my stomach!

and my car is against me too! oftentimes i can just get in my car and listen to my favorite tunes to help relieve some of the stress but for some reason my cd player in my car has decided to hold all my favorite cds hostage. so no smooth sounds of james taylor or chicago or sugarland for me. and radio stations are a joke. the poor buttons to my radio can't take the abuse of my pummeling them because they are playing the wrong songs. if i have to hear "no surprise" by daughtry one more time... SURPRISE i might plow into another car in traffic.

and THEN, there was a man wearing a t-shirt with a lowLOWlow v-neck and i just wanted to shout at him, "it's a t-shirt, not a wrestling singlet! you're grossing me out man!"

and i can't even read or watch tv without my snarkiness getting the best of me. why aren't theres any tv shows or books where the bad guys win?! just once, i would like to see pete get the best of mickey mouse. that mouse gets EVERYTHING!

imagine what i would be like if i had real problems?