Thursday, February 21, 2008

ocean not included

all outing plans were canceled today when i looked out the window and saw this: it may not look like much, but the street was pretty much a solid sheet of ice. and those bits of snow in the grass? more chunks of ice. snow is not soft and fluffy in mizzou, it is hard and crunchy. 13 degrees is not pretty.

what's a mama to do? crank up the heat, pull out the summer clothes, paint my toenails and have a BEACH PAR-TAY IN THE BASEMENT.

pale winter skin was exposed...

trashy beach novels were read...
scrumptious summer food was consumed...
color drenched espadrilles were brought out of hiding(but legs weren't shaved)...

faux shell earrings were worn...

and fun was had by all!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

will the real heidi please stand up?

i was going to forego another "tag" since most of you have probably heard enough of my youthful antics and personal reminisces, but the content of this particular tag coincides with something that i was already planning on posting about. so here it is in it's entirety. lucky you.

ten years ago i was: a senior at blue springs south high school, home of the jaguars. which brings me to an important question, do you say jag-wire or jag-whar? anywhooo, at this point in my high school career i was very much disillusioned with the so-called "best years of my life". i was thrilled with my acceptance to BYU and couldn't wait to leave and start my "adulthood". to pass the last year of my adolescence as quickly as possible i was involved in such glamorous and highly enviable activities as singing in the chamber choir(surprise, i used to be quite good), working at the public library(sexy)and saving most of my money for college, perfecting my sewing skills in home ec and keeping my perfect seminary attendance record alive. also, i was really into my stake's youth activities. i was chair of the stake youth commitee and i planned the dances and youth conference. stake dances were the highlight of my month! rereading this paragraph makes me wonder why i had any friends at all. if i was a saved by the bell character, i would have played screech's little sister, squeek! needless to say, i was a nerd and i loved it!

this brings me to my next point. now that we have lived in KC for over a month, i have ran into a few people here and there that i knew in my youth. it has only been ten years since i lived here and i don't think that i have changed that much, but i few people haven't recognized me at all. one person gave me a blank stare until i re-introduced myself. these are people whose kids i hung out with for crying in the night! was i not that dazzling and unforgettable to them? this hasn't happened with everyone i knew but enough that i am blaming it on them and not me. they must have early onset dimensia. what do you think?

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. go to gym
2. pick up prescriptions
3. put together scarlett's bureau
4. make easy peasy chicken cordon bleu for dinner
5. go to the AT&T store and pick out my new phone

3 of my bad habits
1. passing gas in public and blaming it on the kids(that is so gross, i know! i am in a really crude mood).
2. letting people i don't even know have a say in my emotions. for example, people that are rude or unkind or don't even recognize me from 10 years ago
3. staring at myself in the mirror, or anything with a reflection really. if i walk by one, i have to take a look. i guess i am self-concious about a few things. mascara running down my face. boogers hanging out of my nose. the way that i walk. it's sort of duck like if you ask me.

places i've lived(mostly in order and avoiding the repeats)
1. provo, ut
2. prairie village, ks
3. blue springs, mo
4. jackson, wyoming
5. tuscaloosa, al
6. snellville, ga
7. northport, al
8. montgomery, al
9. savannah, ga
10. lee's summit, mo

things most people don't know about me:
9 times out of ten i don't open emails that are forwarded to me. if they have either "forward" or "you should really read this" in the subject line, it doesn't get opened. or if by some chance i do read it and it says to forward it to all your friends, that translates to me as delete immediately. i am a cold, heartless woman.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

my fifteen minutes of fame

scarlett and i made the front page of the hugely important eastern jackson county examiner. i guess a little bit of fame makes up for a lot of crazy parenting.

i will being signing copies for anyone interested. one autograph per family.

Monday, February 04, 2008

democracy in action

i do not want any more children. i am done. through. spent. finito. i have tapped the mat three times, please let me resume my old life.

today i was feeling patriotic and bold. ann romney was coming to independence for a rally of romney supporters. i was determined to be there.

like any good patriot out there, i brought my children. mostly because there was no one to watch them. i naively thought it would be okay. these kids have been many places and sat quietly. we've even made it through the line at the post office at christmas time with flying colors. this could prove to be an actual learning experience for them. a stay-at-home-mom field trip entitled "democracy in action". unfortunately, the action part was reagan, not the riveting speaker. we arrive to the facility early and well snacked. the rally is being held at a reception hall owned by a local constituent. i stake out a table in a corner for us to occupy. reagan spies a grand piano. i redirect him to a granola bar. reagan starts sneaking off to the DJ equipment. i hunt him down and he goes as limp as a rag doll as i drag him back to our area. reagan notices a large window with lacy curtains and decides it is the perfect invisibility cloak. i allow it. soon, we get word that the romneymobile is approaching. reagan must have sensed the excitement and he decides to lay on the floor and pretend to be sleeping. as ann romney and entourage walk in the door, reagan rolls his little body over to the doorway that they are walking through. the first thing they see is him "sleeping" on the floor. real classy.

the following 30 minutes are not spent listening to the next first lady of the united states of america. they are spent plopping down each step on the staircase one thud at a time, dodging people actually listening to ann romney, going out the front door, dragging reagan away from the sign-in area(he wanted to draw pictures), coming back in the front door, searching for santa claus, avoiding the bumper sticker table and pilfering through my purse searching for a swim diaper. (there was a koi pond outside that reagan thought was for swimming.)
i never got to meet ann romney. everyone else in the room was able to shake hands and say hello. i even had a great question prepared. "mrs. romney, which designer do you plan on using for your inaugural ball gown?"(not really) instead, reagan bolted out the side door, ran past the koi pond, through the gazebo and into the huge wooded field behind the reception hall.
luckily, i saw someone i knew and dumped scarlett with them. i literally ran after reagan because he was about 100 feet ahead of me at this point. i could hear his giggles because this was aboviously a game to him. i was cursing myself for wearing a dressy outfit and high heeled boots. my heels were sinking all the way down in the mud and other types of forest splendor. reagan finally stops and sits down next to a wood pile, where someone had recently been chopping wood. i carry him across my arms like the dead meat that he is and i vow to never take him in public again.
my beautiful, clearance price boots will never be the same.