Monday, June 16, 2014


stuff i've thrifted recently and a story.

thrifting is either feast or famine and i've been feasting on the local clothing castoffs of late. i've been jonesing for a jumpsuit because they're so trendy this summer and BOOM! hidden between somebody's grandma's two piece powder blue floral applique wedding suit and a only lightly worn orange prom dress was the jumpsuit of my dreams:

wide leg
black and gray
leopard print

then i spied this little ann taylor 100% silk number:
perfect fit

 then a few weeks ago i stumbled upon this dress. black jersey wrap dress from express circa WAAAAAY back in 2001. my beastie, natalie, owned this dress and i wore it every chance i could get. when i spied it upon the goodwill rack, my heart dropped to my stomach and the lyrics to soul decision's faded popped into my head. seeing that dress was like having my own personal delorean  transport me back to summer of 2001 in provo, utah, crashing as many wedding receptions as possible. 

dress= $6.25
college memories= priceless
forgetting after 13 years that you have to wear a black slip under this wrap around dress because all it takes is one breeze and everyone downtown in front of the family pizza restaurant just got to know your personally= completely mortifying

also completely mortifying:
blythe in any public place. 
i'm not easily embarrassed, but blythe has become completely uncontrollable and unpredictable in any place with people, clothing racks, or merchandise. heck, church of all places is the absolute worst. we lasted 6 minutes today before i had no choice but to haul her screaming body over my head out to the foyer. and we were actually on time today! this past week's goodwill visit was especially heinous because of her antics. i was finally able to make it to the check out line with my purchases when a goodwill worker got on the intercom and started to SINGLE ME OUT for not having control of blythe. first i thought it was just be, "parents control your children" then it turned into an itemized list of every place we had been in the store. "please don't let your children climb out of your cart", "please do not allow your children to climb underneath racks", "do not allow your children to play with the toys", "please do not let your children run down the aisles", and on and on and on. then she said, "please remove your child from the bicycles" as i was pulling blythe off the children's bicycles. as if i have ANY control over blythe whatsoever. and when did goodwill get so hoity toity with a code of conduct! i keep hand sanitizer in my car at all times just for goodwill visits! in retaliation, i plan on going to goodwill next week EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. because come on, it's goodfreakingwill. 

final note:
scarlett is planning on being invited to diddy's white party this year and rocking it.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

christmas in june

end of the year festivities knocked me out this year. it's like christmas in june! all sorts of celebrations and preparation that you are crazy busy having fun! and i'm not the only one worn out by it:
yes, blythe is trying to change her own diaper without taking off her clothes.

 scarlett had her dance recital that required full stage make up. i did my best, but make up is simply not my forte.
before, delightful child who does smiles awkwardly on command:

 i did her dress rehearsal make up in the front seat of the car in a parking lot while reagan was inside the dentist's office, so it's not merely a question of make up application ability, but sweaty circumstances too. bless her heart, she is so naturally beautiful(if i can say so myself, and i do!) but my terrible make up job looks like carol burnett's miss hannigan from annie.

for the real deal i hardly put any make up on her at all. it was the right choice.

scarlett goes to a great dance studio here in town where they concentrate on actual ballet technique and skill and zero booty shaking, trampy dancing.

 i'm a proud mama. she is my own little slice of delightful weirdo.

 afterward we had a family dinner downtown, ON A SCHOOL NIGHT!

in other last week of school news, i was stumped again on what to get our teachers for their last day of school gifts. i had scarlett ask her teacher what she would like as a dessert and she reqested my brown sugar apple tarts. i made them the night before and gave her a tupperware on her way out the door. later that day i pulled the tupperware full of extras out of the fridge and saw that all the tarts looked like this:
it looked like a tupperware full of barf. i hope her teacher did not take the tarts as an insult. oh, bless. now i know apple tarts do not refrigerate and travel well. 

first day of school:

last day of school:
needless to say, everyone has grown, but scarlett's legs have grown the most of all. 

they really do like each other.

i surprised them on the last day with ice cream(and reagan's customary bowl of toppings) for dinner! my best parenting idea to date!

final notes. 
blythe emptied and entire industrial size jug of bubble bath in a bath she drew for herself. 
*note, not a crime scene

 summer vacation has started well with a few fun activities mixed in with grocery shopping and whatnot.

we even have a dollar summer movie jar. mostly for looking at. occasionally quarters are earned for movie admission.
this is how our first visit went. (and yes i did put all the kids to bed at 715 one night. it felt fantastic!)
i'm not sure if we will be welcome at next week's summer movie showing after blythe gymnastic and pyrotechnic show. jumping from the top of one seat and hitting the seat in front of her face on.

that's it!

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

good, bad, and ugly

the good: 
memorial day weekend balloon launch. 
we were pleasantly surprised by some practice launches taking place on the track of the kid's school while we were having running club.

more good:
my constant companion wearing a backwards bicycle helmet pretty much everywhere we go.

impromptu car hugs after church

good and bad:
first swims of the season and first pool diarrhea and sudden pool departure of the season.

awards ceremonies at school for the big kids.

two separate hour long ceremonies on different days in which i had to entertain this little treasure. started off well,

then it deteriorated to bad. very loud, and obnoxious and bad. 

getting almost my entire house steam cleaned including the sofa and love seat. this made me happier than i could possibly imagine. better than a shopping high. better than waking up before your alarm and getting to go back to sleep. heaven is full of clean carpets.

bad(for everyone else but GREAT for me):
making the kids eat on the front porch so they won't even be near the clean carpets. 

 good and bad:
my yearly(but not on purpose) haircut. i finally carved out some free time to finally get my hair did. this is the longest it has ever been, to the end of the top of my bum. i have always wanted loooooong hair, but it had gotten so damaged because of my constant washing and styling and tight pontails for exercising that it was becoming just unmanageable. plus, that much hair is really, really hot. i was a sweaty mess for most of everyday.

plus, it was just getting obnoxious. i couldn't do anything without it getting caught in my armpit. any time i was doing weights or abs on an exercise ball, my pony would get stuck under the ball, making it comically ridiculous to try and get unstuck while i'm laying on a ball. 

so, i went to my hair gal whom i also visit teach(two birds, one stone!) and she talked me down from the ledge and calmed my hyperventilating and this is what resulted:

before, mom on the edge:
(crazy brittle, dead and gross air-dried hair that takes HOURS to dry)

after, edgy mom
 ten inches chopped! the back is actually a couple of inches shorter than the front. i really like it but i still cried quite a few times at my loss. it's like breaking up with a boyfriend that you know isn't right for you but you can't stop driving by his house for a looky lou. thomas is really tired of hearing my talk about my lack of mermaid hair. not everyone appreciates my grief. 

finally, the UGLY:
i got up early for my regular saturday run on my regular route.  i'm a big believer in running in familiar areas in case i need help. i was almost a mile into my run when i ran past my good friend's house. across the street from her house live 2 BIG golden retrievers. those dogs were both lounging in the yard as i was running by. then both of those dogs were running straight at me. then they were both jumping on me. then they were biting the really fatty(and probably perfectly delicious) part of my thigh! the owner came out and called to his dogs and i screamcried in my crazy person voice, "your dog bit me!" and i turned and ran back down the street. then i finished my six mile run because i am totally hardcore. i wanted it to be eight, but my leg was really hurting.
upon further examination when i got home i noticed it was actually 2 dog bites.
(all of the cellulite and varicose veins are also the result of the dog bites. my legs were perfectly smooth before the attack.)

this is from this morning. really, really ugly. and painful. 
i didn't want to make a huge deal out of it. i've been chased by dozens of dogs in my day and i've never actually encountered a vicious dog. plus, i happen to own a dog who likes to take a bite out of crime too(but only when provoked). i had to say something to the owners, because my kids play on that street on occasion and also to make sure i wasn't harboring rabies and thomas would have to have an old yeller moment with me. i don't know why when i need to to say something to someone when i am 100% not in the wrong, i still feel all weird about it like i'm needing to apologize. i drove by this afternoon and i saw the owner out walking the dogs. i introduced myself and she was so kind and apologetic which was a total relief. then i felt like the need to apologize too for the freak incident(why do i do that???). her dogs are all up to date on their shots so i get to live another day and this saturday, you better bet i am running up that road with confidence.

the best:
i have about 49 of these self-portraits on my phone. all exactly the same.

the end!