Monday, December 22, 2008

your quotient of quotables

since i have been completely busy this past month, but not with anything really blog worthy, i will give your a snapshot into some of our recent activities. consider yourselves lucky.

BYU played utah. we watched it. i made these cupcakes to share my feelings about utah. unfortunately, they were more explanatory of how BYU played in the 4th quarter.

we have had a few family dinners at my parent's house. that is one of the best perks of moving near family, sunday dinner at the grandparents house. plus, heather and i like to have pictures of ourselves taken, so naturally, there was an impromptu photo shoot. best yet, i am wearing my sweater cape. i love it. they're not just for hippies and teenagers.

unfortunately,(or fortunately, if that's how you choose to look at it. i'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.) something smelled really bad as we were taking this picture.

heather, katie and i ran the sprint thanksgiving day turkey trot 5k. it was really cold and i ran really slow and i was mad at myself for the rest of the day. heather and katie ran fast and i hated them for the rest of the day. also, i lost my ipod about 6 months ago so i ran in silence. heather is showing you that she is number 1.

heather made a special birthday cake for a deal, sweet friend of ours. too bad the cake turned out looking like barf on a plate. happy barfday. i hope she wasn't offended. heather really did try hard.

big T and i took the kids to kaleidescope one saturday. regular season college football is over so our saturdays are suddenly wide open. before this picture was taken, this comment may have been said:
big T- "now don't get offended when i ask you this, but, don't you think you dress like a teenager sometimes???"

i have no comment for that.

we had an official-school-is-cancelled-don't-leave-your-house-or-you-will-risk-certain-death-snow-day last week. so i immediately jumped in my car and spent the day at my mom's house. i love having 4-wheel drive.
missouri snow is not like beautiful, soft, mountain snow. missouri snow is the kind of snow that sits on top of a sheet of ice and tricks you into thinking it is fun and safe. you run outside in your snowsuit and boots and attempt to play in the frosty delight while unbeknownst to you, pain and destruction are lingering around every corner and on every surface. if you thought the treadmill massacre was bad, imagine me walking down the driveway. and if you look toward the sky whilst it is snowing, a sharp, pointy snowflake could slice straight through your eye to your retina.

cue the ahhhs:

i apologize if the wallpaper makes you dizzy. it takes a while to get used to.

uncle bonecrusher is back in town for the break so we had a short fashion show to celebrate. we went through our old winter coats and rediscovered this choice gem:
this was my winter coat in the fifth grade. yes, i wanted to wear this fashion monstrosity. i reallyreallyreally wanted a real fur coat, but i had to settle for this faux version. i am not sure what type of animal it is supposed to be, but it seems to resemble a mangy sheepdog who met it's demise by being run over by a snow plow.

neon earmuffs. we beck kids had no shame. warmth was a key factor in how we dressed, not cool-ability. being shunned by other kids because of what we wore gave us backbone. and a long list of people we would like to take revenge on.

scarlett, cranky scarlett. cheese, processed cheese. me, cheesy me.

hotdogs. they get me pretty excited too. (it was processed food day, sort of like every other day.)

merry christmas

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

to whom it may concern, and to whom it may not:

dear dick, (the senior citizen who exercises in crisp, dark blue jeans)

your concern since my little accident last friday has been most appreciated. you are too kind. however, since it has been SEVERAL days since the treadmill massacre,(as it will be heretofore be referred to as) would you please stop mentioning it every chance you get? there ARE other things to talk about. i am okay. actually, i am better than okay! i am superb!
while i know that i am about as athletically inclined as a baby deer taking it's first steps, the long wary glances toward the scene of the accident are unneccesary. though i have a few visible bruises, the deep, penetrating gazes into my eyes to make sure that i am not lying about being okay are a little more than just creepy. your gasp of horror when i stepped onto the treadmill today was beyond silly. i am already paranoid about my clumsiness; your obsession with my personal well-being is making it worse. i ran today and it felt GREAT! however, having you stand 3 feet from the treadmill while i ran made me extremely uncomfortable. please cease and desist or i will be forced to switch gyms.
sincerely, heidi

dear terri,

i am also grateful for your concern. but yesterday was just plain weird. thank you for asking me if i am okay. but, no thank you for asking me in a very loud voice so that everyone in a 20 foot radius could hear you, about the large, strange bump on my forehead. no, it is not a bruise from the tragic treadmill massacre. it's just a really big zit on the middle of my forehead. i am an adult who has been blessed with adult acne. thanks for pointing it out and making everyone else aware too. you're the best.
love, heidi

Friday, December 05, 2008

floats like a butterfly...stings like rug burn

all the thoughts that went through my head after i flipped off the treadmill and i nearly killed myself this morning in front of every single person at the gym:
1. pleaseplease don't let my teeth be broken.
2. and not my face, anything but my face. now i'll never be a teen model!
3. does this mean i need to switch gyms again? will i forever be known as the dummy who fell off the treadmill?
4. is this a dream? perhaps a nightmare? please let this be a dream and have big T come and rescue me.
5. are my clothes still on? if this is a dream, my clothes could have easily fallen off my body. stuff like that happens in dreams. and then everyone from junior high shows up and laughs at you.
6. pleaseplease don't let me cry. or making any embarassing gaspy, sobbing noises.
7. i knew i was a clumsy fool, i didn't know i was teetering close to endangering the lives of those around me.
8. did i lose conciousness? where did all these people come from? there a 12 people standing around me. are they talking to me? who is this "heidi" person they speak of?
9. did i utter any naughty words mid-flight?
10. but seriously, is my face okay?

so, i fell off the treadmill this morning at the gym. i had been running and then i decided that i needed to go to the bathroom and i left my machine on at full speed, hoping to just jump back on where i was. but since i don't live in graceful gazelle world, more like lumbering bear world, that proved to be an impossible task. this particular gymnastical feat takes an extra special kind of uncoordinated person. dick, my special senior citizen friend who wears crisp, dark blue jeans to work out in, was the first one on the scene to assess the damage. i think i was only unconscious for 30 seconds tops. but that was 30 seconds too long. of course i cried. mostly from sheer embarassment. and punctured pride. and the realization that i had smacked my face on the edge of the treadmill and that the speeding ramp had taken all the skin off my little, delicate shoulder and knees. one quote was, "you just kept bouncing... and then rolling." and i had to beg them not to call an ambulance. seriously. something about my eyes rolling back into my head. and some squirty blood. but who's afraid of a little blood? now i just look tough. hopefully this big red mark on my cheek will deepen into a bruise just in time to go out tonight with thomas so that everyone will think he is a wife beater. and then i will have to explain to everyone, "no really, i fell down. he's no ike turner." because people's faces look like they have been punched when they fall down.

and the first question asked by my dear sweet sister after i re-told her the gory details of the incident:
does your gym have surveillance video so that i can watch it?

and for the rest of you sick-Os wondering the same thing? no, there is no permanent record of this freak treadmill accident. thank you for your concern.

Monday, December 01, 2008

heidi heidi-do, where are you???

i must apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. i haven't checked email, i haven't checked blogs, i haven't been eating, i havent' been sleeping. i haven't done much of anything since last monday night. i have been busy reading. i liken myself to saul on the road to damascus. i was a persecutor. a mocker. a non-believer. but now i have seen the light, i know the truth, and now i need forgiveness. count me in with the believers. i have read twilight and i know that it is good. it is sweet unto my soul.

it all started last weekend when i went to see the twilight movie with some friends. my interest was limited to just having fun. and it was fun. but the next morning when i woke up and all i could think about was the movie and all my questions that needed answers, i knew i was smitten.( or bitten???)

but i was going to be in control of the situation. i wasn't going to jump headfirst into the book. i was going to be a casual reader. i just borrowed one book at first. when i finished that one less than 24 hours later, i borrowed the next two books. by saturday i needed the fourth book. let me be clear, i could care less about vampires and werewolves and any other type of nonsense. this is beyond nonsense. and i am well aquainted with nonsense.

i found myself reading any chance i could find. i carried the books around in their own little protective bag. i made a special twilight bookmark. i think big T hid it from me just to play with my mind.
i read-
whilst blow drying my hair:

whilst exercising:

on a side note, this pic really makes me want to grow my bangs back out. shaggy dog! or should i say, shaggy werewolf???
whilst cooking:

whilst driving: i would get a small pang of excitement if i knew i was going to be at a long stoplight and i could sneak in a paragraph or two. i shrieked with delight when i realized that i was going to be stuck at a railroad crossing for about 5 minutes!

whilst parenting:

have i just had my ticket punched for the crazy train? certainly. but what a way to go!!!

in conclusion, my family thinks i'm nuts. i'm completely exhausted. i ran my slowest time ever at my race on thursday. i made a blood red velvet cake for thanksgiving. but for reals yo, i would totally recommend this series of books. drama, humor, teenage-angst, thinly veiled gospel messages, cheesiness and it was completely clean(i feel completely guiltless about reading it in the church foyer yesterday after church). it's all that and a blood smoothie. drink it up. what more could a girl ask for?

if you would like to read my pre-book reading twilight movie analysis, click here. i will also being posting my individual books reviews there. i know you are dying to hear more pointless ramblings from me.