Tuesday, November 30, 2010

mucho de nada

a few more thanksgiving thankfuls

1. thankful for my aunt susan for hosting my little family for dinner. sorry britney spears, i have a new motherhood muse. i was so inspired by her organized house, well-behaved children, delicious food and spiritual atmosphere that i am definitely rethinking a few things. like perhaps piles of junk really isn't a decorating statement.

 2. thankful for running a 5k with my cousin cami, who has mastered adorable at 15. at 15, i had mastered awkward and frizzy.
plus, only one of us threw up during the race.

3. thankful that people still wanted to eat my atrocious red brownie velvet cake. it's hard to impress people when your signature dessert looks like a hot mess:

4. thankful that dirty ron's serves bacon on their breakfast menu. i'm more of a dry hot cake girl myself.
but we've got a couple of bacon fans.

5. thankful for lovely saturday weather, public parks, paved running trails and signs that point you the right direction when you run aimlessly and get lost. and who could forget to be thankful for a foot that keeps falling asleep while running after i thought i had finally resolved that problem. (not really thankful for that last part.)

6. thankful for our ugly gingerbread house tradition. and thankful that at least one of our football teams won their rivalry game. i have no more words about that.

7. thankful for nice kids who get along and quietly play computer games while i roll back and forth on the floor stewing and pouting about the alabama/auburn game. and about the complete farce of a blown call during the byu/utah debacle.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

more unsolicited advice

*who looks this good after birth???

i was talking to my brother david last week, who along with his beautiful wife christine, are now parents of an adorable halloween baby, about just how great and amazing the first few weeks of your newborn's life are.

there were a few things that he said that really hit a familiar chord with me.

1. why does everyone insist on giving you advice and then mention that you should only listen to them and that everyone else is wrong?

2. will it get better?

and i had to laugh when he said this. but not in a humor-filled-haha-you-silly-brother kind of way. it was more of a reminiscent-of-those-newborn-day-memories-that-are-still-too-fresh-and-i'm-still-scared-of tiny-babies-maniacal-laugh. if only people would say what those first few weeks are really like: hazing for the parent fraternity. and no matter what, you are initiated in.

if i wrote a handbook about what to expect after what you are expecting has arrived, i would start with a cruel irony. your new baby will be the most helpless when you are the most helpless. you will have days when you think your body, your baby and the rest of the entire uncivilized world(we are talking children afterall) absolutely hate you. if you've never been beaten with a lead pipe from your neck to your knees, you will soon have an indication of what that may feel like.

after you've established that this state of sleepless hysteria is normal, there are a few other things you need to know. it will get better, but it will never ever be the same. you will have to master your own version of crazy. even if you do somehow make it back to your pre-baby weight, your pants will never fit the same. it's like folding a map up after a road trip. you can get it pretty close, but no cigar. some parts will forever have an accordian-like appearance.

and babies and children are really gross. and you will become really gross. and somedays you will be okay with it. occasionally, that heaven-sent pacifier with fall in the dirt. the first few times you will wrap in nicely in a plastic bag or wet wipe and take it home and thoroughly sanitize it. after a while, when this pacifier repeatedly hits the ground, you will start popping it in your own mouth to clean it off. and then after you realize how gross this is, you will start picking up the pacifier off the ground and then waving it around in the air or blowing on it to "breathe-sanitize" it. and then pop it into your baby's mouth. and i can testify that no one ever died from a dirty pacifier.

your personal cleanliness will take on new meaning. a shower a day is like a trip to the showcase showdown on the price is right; not every constestant gets to do it. a shower every couple of days will make you feel like you are really accomplishing something. a shower a week will make you feel a little less grimy. you will have moments when you are getting ready for the day(usually around 3 or 4 in the afternoon) and you can't distinguish where a pungent urine smell is coming from. then you realize that odor is coming from the towel wrapped around YOUR OWN HEAD. this actually happened to me LAST WEEK. but don't worry. all those other moms you see at the grocery store at 1030 at night all feel the same way. and if they say they don't, THEY ARE LYING. and lots of moms lie. about their exercise routine frequency, about their baby's sleep schedule, about their baby's developmental milestones. comparision is not your friend sister.

and the best piece of advice i ever got about parenting, besides pureeing vegetables into cupcakes, was to pray and then pray some more. it works and it refreshes and re-energizes me for the next day. of absolute chaos.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

gratitude raditude

things to be thankful for:

*75 degree days in november. training wheel biking has been great. running has been great. south carolina is beautiful. and nobody has to mow the lawn until spring.
*veteran's day. it's one of my favorite holidays in existence. even without presents. but i have no objections to incorporating gift giving into remembering and honoring our veterans.

*phineas and ferb. most kids shows are strictly learning or strictly lame. sometimes both. the kids love phineas and ferb and i always find myself laughing at professor doofenshmirtz. i love a good subtle pop culture reference mixed with inane hilarity.

*my sense of humor. if weren't laughing all the time, i would probably being crying all the time. those are my two main settings.

*great kids who still love me, even when i am the queen of nightmares. inability to deal with messes and clutter and whining is my 3rd setting.

*functioning vehicles. however, by mentioning that i am grateful for their ability to operate properly, i am jinxing myself. this is where my sense of humor comes into play.