Monday, December 22, 2008

your quotient of quotables

since i have been completely busy this past month, but not with anything really blog worthy, i will give your a snapshot into some of our recent activities. consider yourselves lucky.

BYU played utah. we watched it. i made these cupcakes to share my feelings about utah. unfortunately, they were more explanatory of how BYU played in the 4th quarter.

we have had a few family dinners at my parent's house. that is one of the best perks of moving near family, sunday dinner at the grandparents house. plus, heather and i like to have pictures of ourselves taken, so naturally, there was an impromptu photo shoot. best yet, i am wearing my sweater cape. i love it. they're not just for hippies and teenagers.

unfortunately,(or fortunately, if that's how you choose to look at it. i'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.) something smelled really bad as we were taking this picture.

heather, katie and i ran the sprint thanksgiving day turkey trot 5k. it was really cold and i ran really slow and i was mad at myself for the rest of the day. heather and katie ran fast and i hated them for the rest of the day. also, i lost my ipod about 6 months ago so i ran in silence. heather is showing you that she is number 1.

heather made a special birthday cake for a deal, sweet friend of ours. too bad the cake turned out looking like barf on a plate. happy barfday. i hope she wasn't offended. heather really did try hard.

big T and i took the kids to kaleidescope one saturday. regular season college football is over so our saturdays are suddenly wide open. before this picture was taken, this comment may have been said:
big T- "now don't get offended when i ask you this, but, don't you think you dress like a teenager sometimes???"

i have no comment for that.

we had an official-school-is-cancelled-don't-leave-your-house-or-you-will-risk-certain-death-snow-day last week. so i immediately jumped in my car and spent the day at my mom's house. i love having 4-wheel drive.
missouri snow is not like beautiful, soft, mountain snow. missouri snow is the kind of snow that sits on top of a sheet of ice and tricks you into thinking it is fun and safe. you run outside in your snowsuit and boots and attempt to play in the frosty delight while unbeknownst to you, pain and destruction are lingering around every corner and on every surface. if you thought the treadmill massacre was bad, imagine me walking down the driveway. and if you look toward the sky whilst it is snowing, a sharp, pointy snowflake could slice straight through your eye to your retina.

cue the ahhhs:

i apologize if the wallpaper makes you dizzy. it takes a while to get used to.

uncle bonecrusher is back in town for the break so we had a short fashion show to celebrate. we went through our old winter coats and rediscovered this choice gem:
this was my winter coat in the fifth grade. yes, i wanted to wear this fashion monstrosity. i reallyreallyreally wanted a real fur coat, but i had to settle for this faux version. i am not sure what type of animal it is supposed to be, but it seems to resemble a mangy sheepdog who met it's demise by being run over by a snow plow.

neon earmuffs. we beck kids had no shame. warmth was a key factor in how we dressed, not cool-ability. being shunned by other kids because of what we wore gave us backbone. and a long list of people we would like to take revenge on.

scarlett, cranky scarlett. cheese, processed cheese. me, cheesy me.

hotdogs. they get me pretty excited too. (it was processed food day, sort of like every other day.)

merry christmas

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

to whom it may concern, and to whom it may not:

dear dick, (the senior citizen who exercises in crisp, dark blue jeans)

your concern since my little accident last friday has been most appreciated. you are too kind. however, since it has been SEVERAL days since the treadmill massacre,(as it will be heretofore be referred to as) would you please stop mentioning it every chance you get? there ARE other things to talk about. i am okay. actually, i am better than okay! i am superb!
while i know that i am about as athletically inclined as a baby deer taking it's first steps, the long wary glances toward the scene of the accident are unneccesary. though i have a few visible bruises, the deep, penetrating gazes into my eyes to make sure that i am not lying about being okay are a little more than just creepy. your gasp of horror when i stepped onto the treadmill today was beyond silly. i am already paranoid about my clumsiness; your obsession with my personal well-being is making it worse. i ran today and it felt GREAT! however, having you stand 3 feet from the treadmill while i ran made me extremely uncomfortable. please cease and desist or i will be forced to switch gyms.
sincerely, heidi

dear terri,

i am also grateful for your concern. but yesterday was just plain weird. thank you for asking me if i am okay. but, no thank you for asking me in a very loud voice so that everyone in a 20 foot radius could hear you, about the large, strange bump on my forehead. no, it is not a bruise from the tragic treadmill massacre. it's just a really big zit on the middle of my forehead. i am an adult who has been blessed with adult acne. thanks for pointing it out and making everyone else aware too. you're the best.
love, heidi

Friday, December 05, 2008

floats like a butterfly...stings like rug burn

all the thoughts that went through my head after i flipped off the treadmill and i nearly killed myself this morning in front of every single person at the gym:
1. pleaseplease don't let my teeth be broken.
2. and not my face, anything but my face. now i'll never be a teen model!
3. does this mean i need to switch gyms again? will i forever be known as the dummy who fell off the treadmill?
4. is this a dream? perhaps a nightmare? please let this be a dream and have big T come and rescue me.
5. are my clothes still on? if this is a dream, my clothes could have easily fallen off my body. stuff like that happens in dreams. and then everyone from junior high shows up and laughs at you.
6. pleaseplease don't let me cry. or making any embarassing gaspy, sobbing noises.
7. i knew i was a clumsy fool, i didn't know i was teetering close to endangering the lives of those around me.
8. did i lose conciousness? where did all these people come from? there a 12 people standing around me. are they talking to me? who is this "heidi" person they speak of?
9. did i utter any naughty words mid-flight?
10. but seriously, is my face okay?

so, i fell off the treadmill this morning at the gym. i had been running and then i decided that i needed to go to the bathroom and i left my machine on at full speed, hoping to just jump back on where i was. but since i don't live in graceful gazelle world, more like lumbering bear world, that proved to be an impossible task. this particular gymnastical feat takes an extra special kind of uncoordinated person. dick, my special senior citizen friend who wears crisp, dark blue jeans to work out in, was the first one on the scene to assess the damage. i think i was only unconscious for 30 seconds tops. but that was 30 seconds too long. of course i cried. mostly from sheer embarassment. and punctured pride. and the realization that i had smacked my face on the edge of the treadmill and that the speeding ramp had taken all the skin off my little, delicate shoulder and knees. one quote was, "you just kept bouncing... and then rolling." and i had to beg them not to call an ambulance. seriously. something about my eyes rolling back into my head. and some squirty blood. but who's afraid of a little blood? now i just look tough. hopefully this big red mark on my cheek will deepen into a bruise just in time to go out tonight with thomas so that everyone will think he is a wife beater. and then i will have to explain to everyone, "no really, i fell down. he's no ike turner." because people's faces look like they have been punched when they fall down.

and the first question asked by my dear sweet sister after i re-told her the gory details of the incident:
does your gym have surveillance video so that i can watch it?

and for the rest of you sick-Os wondering the same thing? no, there is no permanent record of this freak treadmill accident. thank you for your concern.

Monday, December 01, 2008

heidi heidi-do, where are you???

i must apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. i haven't checked email, i haven't checked blogs, i haven't been eating, i havent' been sleeping. i haven't done much of anything since last monday night. i have been busy reading. i liken myself to saul on the road to damascus. i was a persecutor. a mocker. a non-believer. but now i have seen the light, i know the truth, and now i need forgiveness. count me in with the believers. i have read twilight and i know that it is good. it is sweet unto my soul.

it all started last weekend when i went to see the twilight movie with some friends. my interest was limited to just having fun. and it was fun. but the next morning when i woke up and all i could think about was the movie and all my questions that needed answers, i knew i was smitten.( or bitten???)

but i was going to be in control of the situation. i wasn't going to jump headfirst into the book. i was going to be a casual reader. i just borrowed one book at first. when i finished that one less than 24 hours later, i borrowed the next two books. by saturday i needed the fourth book. let me be clear, i could care less about vampires and werewolves and any other type of nonsense. this is beyond nonsense. and i am well aquainted with nonsense.

i found myself reading any chance i could find. i carried the books around in their own little protective bag. i made a special twilight bookmark. i think big T hid it from me just to play with my mind.
i read-
whilst blow drying my hair:

whilst exercising:

on a side note, this pic really makes me want to grow my bangs back out. shaggy dog! or should i say, shaggy werewolf???
whilst cooking:

whilst driving: i would get a small pang of excitement if i knew i was going to be at a long stoplight and i could sneak in a paragraph or two. i shrieked with delight when i realized that i was going to be stuck at a railroad crossing for about 5 minutes!

whilst parenting:

have i just had my ticket punched for the crazy train? certainly. but what a way to go!!!

in conclusion, my family thinks i'm nuts. i'm completely exhausted. i ran my slowest time ever at my race on thursday. i made a blood red velvet cake for thanksgiving. but for reals yo, i would totally recommend this series of books. drama, humor, teenage-angst, thinly veiled gospel messages, cheesiness and it was completely clean(i feel completely guiltless about reading it in the church foyer yesterday after church). it's all that and a blood smoothie. drink it up. what more could a girl ask for?

if you would like to read my pre-book reading twilight movie analysis, click here. i will also being posting my individual books reviews there. i know you are dying to hear more pointless ramblings from me.

Monday, November 17, 2008

gratus majerus

i am thankful for people who are brave enough to go out of their comfort zone and share the gospel. big T is a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of 12 years this past august. the people who shared the gospel message with him are dearer to my heart than they will ever know. they opened their mouths by inviting him to church the first time. they opened their homes each time thomas had questions that needed to be answered. they opened their hearts by sharing the love our Savior Jesus Christ has for each one of us with him. i am forever grateful and indebted to them. i would venture to say that they did not know what would become of big T, that they were just doing their duty as Latter-day Saints. but i have been a beneficiary of their faithfulness and their boldness. they are a force for good and my life has been impacted and changed for the better because of them.

jessica and heather, sisters and supermodels.
i am sure that it wasn't an easy task. big T talks a lot and he likes to be right all the time. and now he is.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

tastes real, looks great!

i am thankful for cool autumn afternoons when el presidente refuses to be pacified by anything but cookie making. unfortunately, this afternoon i had approximately zero ingredients for cookies and i had to sort of make it up as a i went. the finished product turned out as about as good as i expected: irregularly shaped cow patty lumps. and to add insult in injury, we ate so much cookie dough that only 7 cow patties could be made. nevertheless, the afternoon was a success. and this totally took me down memory lane. growing up we had a ward cookbook in which one sister had submitted a cookie called the "cow pie cookie" with the caption, "looks real, tastes great" and my brother dave would always say, "tastes real, looks great."

in other thankful for food news: i am thankful for gigantic hunks of pepperoni that somehow make it into my pepperoni package and i am forced to eat them. i love me an obnoxious sized piece of pepperoni.

and i am thankful for cheap dates and mcdonald's 99cent twisty cones.
and my houndstooth hat.

Monday, November 03, 2008

oh mother, where art thou?

being that november is the month of thanksgiving, i felt it only fitting that i show my thanks for the many blessings in my life.
1. i am thankful that i am a mother.
did i just type that??? shocking but true. motherhood has been a blessing that i didn't know i wanted or needed. i am grateful not only that i am a mother, but that i have survived this very difficult and time-consuming task thus far. i try really hard to be a "good mom". i want to teach my children important skillz and help them develop a healthy self-image. successful, educated, non-incarcerated children will be my greatest reward. someday. but as for today, clean faces and smiles and laughter really take the cake.
the lessons that motherhood has taught me are invaluable. i now have a small vision of the love that our Heavenly Father has for each one of us. the best advice i ever received regarding motherhood was that each night i needed to pray for forgiveness from the mistakes that i made that day, and to pray for strength to be able to make it through the next day. this simple bit of advice reminds me each day how dependent these children are on me and how dependent i am on my own Father in Heaven.
i read a few months ago on another blog this quote has stuck with me ever since. "motherhood is a celebration of life". this quote has inspired me to do more for my children and more for my husband and to do more for myself. life is good, life is difficult, life is challenging, life is wonderful, life is simple. i hope to meet each day with enough enthusiam to ensure that each day is a part of the celebration.
my personal motto is "lengthen my stride". i love/hate running. it is a tiresome, time consuming activity that i look forward to. as i fell asleep last night, i felt a small thrill that i was going to put on my kicks in the morning and runrunrun. the same goes for my kids. they drive me nuts. they scream. they cry. one still poops in her pants on a regular basis. scarlett is constantly defying death. some days i think reagan is channeling kriss kross by putting his clothes on backwards each day. but each morning their little boogery faces make me smile. i love when they go to bed at night and i love when they wake up well-rested the next day.
and you, other bloggers out there, you are also my inspiration. some people hate reading blogs that are all sunshine and roses and vegetables grown in backyard gardens and perfect homemade popsicle stick crafts. sometimes i hate them too. but i know those moms have their bad days. i rejoice in your accomplishments and i feel sorrow when you feel sorrow.
so, kum ba ya to motherhood.

Friday, October 31, 2008

how halloween was ruined in 1984 or happy heatherween!!!

picture this: halloween eve 1984, my dear, sweet mother is 13 months pregnant and just wants to have this baby. her ob/gyn schedules her to deliver on november 1st and needs to report to the hospital on october 31st, halloween night. my dear, sweet, somewhat saucy, grandma bonnie is called in to take myself and my two brothers trick or treating around the 'hood. after about 4 houses and 13 minutes of trick or treating, grandma bonnie calls it a night and takes us kids home. it was the world's shortest night of trick or treating. my tiny four-year-old heart is broken. the next morning my baby sister heather is born. needless to say, after the debacle from the night before, i was not excited about her birth. thank goodness that was the only halloween that she ruined. she has only improved with age. happy heatherween!!!

just a typical sunday around here, heather chillin' with her entourage.

things i like about heather:

H er sense of humor skillz

E xcessive burping ability

A ble to play the piano better than anybody else in the world, even me. and she has perfect pitch. and that is impressive.

T akes the Gospel seriously

H it a guy in the stomach with a closed fist in the church foyer because he was a big jerk.

E veryday she gets more and more beautiful

R uns likes the dickens. and she has a really funny video blog.

this was not a professionally decorated cake. just me! can you believe it! no joke! i call it shabby chic cake making. the worse it looks the more artsy it is.

i forgive your for ruining halloween 1984.

halloween 2008
el presidente the sheriff and littlebigmouth as miss scarlett

the inspiration for scarlett's costume.

a short list of things you should not say to me about this costume or i will give you the stink eye:
1. "scarlett o'hara, was she a star wars character?"
2. "is your son ashley wilkes?"
3. "oh, a cowboy and a cowgirl!"
4. "i can't believe you made her wear that."
go bulldogs. and before you get all excited, i carved the georgia pumpkin, not thomas.
one of these things is not like the other. can you guess who?

and finally, saturday, november 1st is the georgia-florida game, the biggest rivalry of all time. ALL TIME. kick off is at 3:30pm. please do not call or disturb our home during this time.

go bulldogs. boo gators. especially you urban meyer. i despise you. the end.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

eye spy

kiosks at the mall usually mean one thing to me. all. out. avoidance. whether it be blinged out cell phone covers, faux grills(for your teeth) and rhinestone studded belt buckles, caricature artists, mediterranean sea salt skin care products with the EVER persistent sales people who you have to pretend to be on your phone having a life-shattering conversation with someone to get by them without them groping you, lifetime warranty siding for your house, ceramic flat irons and my personal fave- legal advice, i'm not interested. and that was one LOOOOONG run-on sentence. i never claimed to be a literary genius.

anywhoooo, the one thing a kiosk at the mall does offer that i was definitely interested in is eyebrow threading. i read an article in the paper about the proprietress of the kiosk and i thought i would try it out. apparently in places like india eyebrow threading is the only way to go. and since i think indian women are the most beautiful women in the world and i hope to be one someday, i thought i would give it a try.


seriously, tyra banks should be hunting me down right now. that picture is the true definition of FIERCE! no halloween costume needed here folks! fierce with a side of red bull. does red bull need a spokesmodel? does anyone over 23 even drink red bull?

THE PROCESS or as my SIL ,sarah who speaks beautiful canadian, would say, THE PRO-CESS:

yes, you are seeing that picture correctly. she is using common sewing thread from wal-mart that she probably picked up for 89 cents. i thought it was a minimally painless process. you lay back in a chair, she says her magic threading words, she runs a thread across your brows, or forehead, or chin or moustache area(not that I need that, but you might) and voila!!! beautifully shaped brows.
note- my good luck horseshoe necklace on my decollete.

15 bucks and 5 minutes later:


the pros- quick, incredibly accurate, lasts for 4 weeks, inexpensive, minimally painless. you can feel each individual hair being pulled out, but it is so fast.

the cons- it's a kiosk at the mall. if you go midday, every high school drop-out and grandma in the tri-city area stares at you. she only accepts cash.

i highly recommend it.


gas is now $1.99 here. can anyone else match or beat that???

and thanks to all TWO of my dear friends and blog readers who completed my tag. i am feeling the love. where is the nearest cliff?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

heidi's tag of your life

i am feeling so posty tonight and i have much to report. 2 WORDS- eyebrow threading! and then a price- $2.21! that's how much a gallon of gas is going for now 'round these parts. can you believe it??? just slap me and tell me it is 2003 again. unfortch, i can't seem to load any pictures from this past week in order to further expound upon these two topics! so, what a better opportunity to create my own tag. these are some of my favorite tag questions of all time with a few of my own personal treasures thrown in there. there is only one rule, if you have already read this far, you must complete this post on your own blog. the end. the knowledge of you not completing this tag will haunt you forever. and ever.

church calling you would HATE to have- nursery, cub scouts, compassionate service has never been my thang.

saying you say the most often- SHUT UP! barf on my face, hell's bells. i love to say that. people look at your like you are swearing up a storm. for real.

saying you hate to hear other people say- chillax, mostly just incorrect grammar like the incorrect usage of me and i, she or her, or your and you're.

most rotten thing you did today- spanking, screaming, telling reagan "no" to the cars movie for the trillionth time, giving the stink eye to people at the gym who are on MY MACHINE. i wish there was a place for me to put my name on my treadmill so that other people don't get confused. this list could go on forever. allowing littlebigmouth to leave goldfish crackers all over the floor at old navy, not showering until nearly 4pm, making and eating doublychocolate cookies right before dinner.

explain the fourth picture in the fourth folder on your computer- this pic is from this time last year at wormsloe in savannah. we were taking a family picture for our christmas card and my gal heather was in town and she was playing photographer. obviously she is a natural talent. check out the subtle nuance of this action shot. every inhibition i felt about wearing an empire style dress so soon after giving birth was fully realized.
a picture you have of people you don't know-
you've gotta enlarge this one!!! worth it!
VIVA MEXICO!!! i knew that if i held onto this shot long enough it would come in handy.
secret dream- punching people. i just want to do it. right in the kisser. but not just anyone. they've gotta deserve it. if i ever ran into that one person who made everyone miserable in junior high i might just go for it!

favorite place to spend money- of late, ebay! this is my latest purchase. a gone with the wind christmas ornament for $3! don't be jealous!
sort of ugly close up, but it's all mine baby!!! it will be a spectacular christmas 'round these parts!!!

personal indulgence- yeah, i don't really have one. perhaps not using coupons on some things? sometimes i pay full price for cascade dish detergent and it feel a little naughty. i'm such a martyr. or, if i am feeling really wild i will buy crunchy corn bran. it's like 4 bucks a box and it is only available at hy-vee! it is so good and keeps everything running so smoothly. wink wink.

least favorite celebrity- just one??? lindsay lohan, flavor flav, but probably the most awfullest pseudo-celebrity is speidi. creepy, flesh colored beard says it all...
gahh, what a waste of oxygen. barf on my face!!!(there's that phrase again!)

girl crush- gwen stefani, hilary duff, misty may-treanor and kerri walsh, celine dion is my queen, heidi klum, laura bush...tina fey

3 goals, 1 long term, 1 day to day, 1 silly-

1. complete a triathalon or a half marathon

2. run 5 miles tomorrow morning(barf on my face!)

3. be brave enough to put a bikini on this 2 baby body and wear it somewhere. not like the grocery store. but a private beach that no one visits that i own one day.

3 things you collect or obsess over-
1. old movies-TCM is my favorite channel. i'm watching hands across the table right now. LOVE IT! i have about a gabillion hours worth of old school movies saved up in my dvr queue. and white decor anything- especially silhouettes

don't you just want to lay on that bed and read high-brow literature?

3. GWTW stuff(no doi, right?)

the end. now it's your turn. and this includes YOU! you know who i'm talking about. own up to it!