Wednesday, December 10, 2008

to whom it may concern, and to whom it may not:

dear dick, (the senior citizen who exercises in crisp, dark blue jeans)

your concern since my little accident last friday has been most appreciated. you are too kind. however, since it has been SEVERAL days since the treadmill massacre,(as it will be heretofore be referred to as) would you please stop mentioning it every chance you get? there ARE other things to talk about. i am okay. actually, i am better than okay! i am superb!
while i know that i am about as athletically inclined as a baby deer taking it's first steps, the long wary glances toward the scene of the accident are unneccesary. though i have a few visible bruises, the deep, penetrating gazes into my eyes to make sure that i am not lying about being okay are a little more than just creepy. your gasp of horror when i stepped onto the treadmill today was beyond silly. i am already paranoid about my clumsiness; your obsession with my personal well-being is making it worse. i ran today and it felt GREAT! however, having you stand 3 feet from the treadmill while i ran made me extremely uncomfortable. please cease and desist or i will be forced to switch gyms.
sincerely, heidi


dear terri,

i am also grateful for your concern. but yesterday was just plain weird. thank you for asking me if i am okay. but, no thank you for asking me in a very loud voice so that everyone in a 20 foot radius could hear you, about the large, strange bump on my forehead. no, it is not a bruise from the tragic treadmill massacre. it's just a really big zit on the middle of my forehead. i am an adult who has been blessed with adult acne. thanks for pointing it out and making everyone else aware too. you're the best.
love, heidi

11 comments:

Julia said...

Dear Heidi,
I am very sorry that the treadmill massacre has left its mark on you. I do wish you the best! And I hope that you won't end up having to switch gyms!
Happy Holidays,
Me ;)

Erin said...

why do these things always happen to you at the gym? thomas needs to buy you a home gym with your own personal trainer so you aren't around as many people. in case of an accident, your trainer will be there to call 911. good idea, right?! loves

Angie said...

There are some pretty interesting people at your gym. I love interesting people as long as their not bugging me. BTW I think I may start exercising in crisp dark blue jeans, maybe even designer ones.

I hope you feel better soon. The shoulder burn does look a lot cooler than the blemish. I don't know what she was thinking.

Julianne said...

Hehe, hoho! I forgot to comment on the last post, but Ryan and I both read it twice and laughed (sympathetically, of course) both times. The best part was Heather: "Do they have video surveillance?"

Will and Natalie Giddens said...

What is it with old guys and exercising in denim? I wonder if that's included in an AARP packet? "Henceforth and forever, workout attire includes blue jeans and/or button-down collared shirts."

Maybe Big T can make an appearance at your gym and threaten all the busybodies? Is that legal?

Jessica said...

hahahahah. i love it. way to go for getting on the treadmill so soon. i would have used that for an excuse not to do ANYTHING for at least a few weeks.

Melissa said...

ha ha ha! Sounds like you are getting to know the people in your gym the wrong way, Heidi. Too funny! Don't let them stop you!

Katy said...

I think at this point you should just have fun with it....stage a more serious fake accident complete with fake blood and gore and stuff. Make EVERYBODY ELSE switch gyms and then you can have the place to yourself!!! Seriously, though, I'm sure it will blow over in a week or two. I admire you for your healthy diligence.

Livin' Single said...

i love questions about zits. i'm going to start making up some excuse. "oh that pussy thing on my head? that's a bite i got from the white-headed snake of the williwonka jungle in africa. wanna touch it?"

Becca said...

I get adult acne too. It was way bad at the start of this pregnancy (shudder). I try not to think about it too much. By the way, I am feeling much better, but if you still want to come over and sing and dance, I'm all for it. Besides, you still owe me a stunning rendition of "You've Had a Birthday."

Kristina said...

I was a total insomniac one night and had finished reading all the blogs of those I knew and started reading blogs linked on my friends pages. Hence I came to your blog from Erin Steele's. I have to THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for making my very late evening enjoyable and filled with laughter! I hope you don't mind me reading. Your entire blog is delightful but this story brought me to tears. Thanks a ton! - A new mom who needed some laughs!