i do not want any more children. i am done. through. spent. finito. i have tapped the mat three times, please let me resume my old life.
today i was feeling patriotic and bold. ann romney was coming to independence for a rally of romney supporters. i was determined to be there.
like any good patriot out there, i brought my children. mostly because there was no one to watch them. i naively thought it would be okay. these kids have been many places and sat quietly. we've even made it through the line at the post office at christmas time with flying colors. this could prove to be an actual learning experience for them. a stay-at-home-mom field trip entitled "democracy in action". unfortunately, the action part was reagan, not the riveting speaker. we arrive to the facility early and well snacked. the rally is being held at a reception hall owned by a local constituent. i stake out a table in a corner for us to occupy. reagan spies a grand piano. i redirect him to a granola bar. reagan starts sneaking off to the DJ equipment. i hunt him down and he goes as limp as a rag doll as i drag him back to our area. reagan notices a large window with lacy curtains and decides it is the perfect invisibility cloak. i allow it. soon, we get word that the romneymobile is approaching. reagan must have sensed the excitement and he decides to lay on the floor and pretend to be sleeping. as ann romney and entourage walk in the door, reagan rolls his little body over to the doorway that they are walking through. the first thing they see is him "sleeping" on the floor. real classy.
the following 30 minutes are not spent listening to the next first lady of the united states of america. they are spent plopping down each step on the staircase one thud at a time, dodging people actually listening to ann romney, going out the front door, dragging reagan away from the sign-in area(he wanted to draw pictures), coming back in the front door, searching for santa claus, avoiding the bumper sticker table and pilfering through my purse searching for a swim diaper. (there was a koi pond outside that reagan thought was for swimming.)
i never got to meet ann romney. everyone else in the room was able to shake hands and say hello. i even had a great question prepared. "mrs. romney, which designer do you plan on using for your inaugural ball gown?"(not really) instead, reagan bolted out the side door, ran past the koi pond, through the gazebo and into the huge wooded field behind the reception hall.
luckily, i saw someone i knew and dumped scarlett with them. i literally ran after reagan because he was about 100 feet ahead of me at this point. i could hear his giggles because this was aboviously a game to him. i was cursing myself for wearing a dressy outfit and high heeled boots. my heels were sinking all the way down in the mud and other types of forest splendor. reagan finally stops and sits down next to a wood pile, where someone had recently been chopping wood. i carry him across my arms like the dead meat that he is and i vow to never take him in public again.
my beautiful, clearance price boots will never be the same.