Thursday, September 03, 2009

heidi and the horrible, terrible, no good, really bad week

since monday morning i have been a jerk. not just a jerk. but the jerkiest jerk of all time jerks. jerkier than homemade jerky in a RONCO food dehydrater. that jerky. everything that has gone on this week has felt like the utmost chore.

i guess i could blame it on my everloving cold that i have acquired, but that would be a cop out.

this morning, scarlett dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor as we were walking out the door. and not just any cereal, but frosted mini wheats. i had to leave the mess on the floor or we would have been late for our doctor's appointment. so, lucky for me, meatball came along and decided to help clean up. and now i am blessed with the most "regular" dog of all time. and then scarlett wanted to help clean up by eating the pieces on the floor that weren't good enough for the dog to devour.

and then i had to take the kids to the doctor. and that is just horrible in itself. reagan had to get FOUR shots and i was the one lucky enough to hold him down.

after the doctor it was off to the BANE OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, WAL-MART. holy hell, i hate that place. and for some reason i was stuck holding scarlett's partially licked lollipop for the duration of our escapade until i could find a garbage can. in the meantime, said lollipop touched every surface of the store and my body, including my hair. and at one point the lolli was in my mouth.

but it hasn't just been today that i have been a master cranky jerk, it's been everyday. EVERYTHING is bothering me.


i have been awful to my darling and long-suffering thomas. he brought me a wonderful gift, a paula deen copper bottom frying pan, on monday and i was completely unappreciative and then i cried about how unappreciative i had been. and then i have been kicking him in my sleep. just because he hasn't been turning his alarm off in time.


and last night i had to put myself in time-out from the kids because i was getting so annoyed that they weren't "playing" right. the normally dulcet tones of my soft and soothing voice(lies that was all lies!) are now shriekier and more shrill than ever!


and yesterday morning when i came into the kitchen, scarlett says, "oh, no! here comes the witch!" which they actually call me all the time(thomas taught them that), but i wanted to shout, "I'M NO WITCH! I'M NICE!" but that probably wouldn't have been very convincing.


and my hair. and my face! and my whole goshdarn body! don't even get me started on those three! TRAITORS! they have betrayed ME! i don't want my hair even touching me and i only want to wear a gigantic muumuu so that my waistband won't cut into my stomach!


and my car is against me too! oftentimes i can just get in my car and listen to my favorite tunes to help relieve some of the stress but for some reason my cd player in my car has decided to hold all my favorite cds hostage. so no smooth sounds of james taylor or chicago or sugarland for me. and radio stations are a joke. the poor buttons to my radio can't take the abuse of my pummeling them because they are playing the wrong songs. if i have to hear "no surprise" by daughtry one more time... SURPRISE i might plow into another car in traffic.

and THEN, there was a man wearing a t-shirt with a lowLOWlow v-neck and i just wanted to shout at him, "it's a t-shirt, not a wrestling singlet! you're grossing me out man!"

and i can't even read or watch tv without my snarkiness getting the best of me. why aren't theres any tv shows or books where the bad guys win?! just once, i would like to see pete get the best of mickey mouse. that mouse gets EVERYTHING!

imagine what i would be like if i had real problems?

20 comments:

The High Family- said...

I think it is good to vent. Sometimes that is all that will make me feel better. Sorry, you are having a bad week. I think you are hot and saucy!P.S. Pray for me, the half marathons on saturday!!

Sarah Beck said...

I'm sorry things are rough. I agree, I think radio stations are horrible. I got introduced to satellite radio at my Aunt and Uncle's, and I really REALLY want it now. No djs. Just music. And you can pick which "station" you want. Like, 80s, 90s, coffeehouse (my fav) which is acoustic rock. Check it out http://www.sirius.com/. And I hate Walmart too. I couldn't have said it better

Jessica said...

i know just the thing to cheer you up -- think of the person who is currently most annoying to you and sneak over to their house under the cover of darkness and stick hot dogs speared on plastic forks all over their front lawn! hahahaha.

sorry you're having a horrible week. they happen to the best of us. it's difficult to be sunny and speak in dulcet tones all the time. and if it makes you feel any better, grace has taken to calling me miss hannigan on a regular basis...

Ashley said...

Even your problems are hilarious, Heidi! Sorry you're having a rough week. I think we've all been there. Things will pick up. In the meantime, keep putting yourself in time out when needed :)

Emily C said...

sorry you are having a stinky week :(
i'm sure thomas doesn't mind you kicking him in bed. its kinda like a massage.

Nicole said...

Poor Heidi!!! YOu need to just come see me for a visit...that will fix everything!! BTW, I feel the exact same way this week!!!;)

Jeppson Clan said...

have you been a fly on the wall at my house? i'm having the same kind of week. guess what my word verification is? SPITE.
not kidding.
see you tomorrow. :)

Thanaglim said...

we all have days, weeks, months...a lifetime of crap days like this.

lrbodine said...

Um this is how I've been feeling for the last 7 months. It's no wonder Rob keeps saying we might be done after having this kid!

But for real - I was reading your post and could relate to everything. Everytime I go to Walmart I wonder what I'm thinking.....

Hope your week goes better!

Carie said...

It's a shirt, not a singlet. That is the best line. Maybe of your entire blog.

b + j = calculus said...

and reason number ten million that i love reading your blog... you are so real. yes, i'm sure everyone has those weeks, but most blogs are so full of 'my perfect life this, my perfect kids that, my perfect self... blah blah blah...' some days i feel like if i have to read another blog about someone's so cute kids i will want to vomit. thanks for keeping it real.

Caroline said...

okay I am REALLY REALLY sorry you are having a bad week but I am having a terrible day and I really needed a laugh! So-thank you for that!

Jessica said...

Okay. I am over here from Carie's blog (friend since BYU) and I SO love all the fun stuff you've done with Carie and Hailey's closets. I WISH I had clothes as gorgeous (or thighs as thin) so I could look like them.

Anyway.

I notice that you have "Greg and Christy" highlighted on your sidebar, which means I'VE visited them. Which of course I have because they are my brother and sister in law. And so now you have to come to my blog and tell me how you know the Texas Romneys.

Thanks you very much!

Jessica said...

Oh and What happened to Chris Daughtry? That guy had such promise on American Idol.

Elizabeth said...

Hey! I got a favor to ask of you...I am REALLY wanting to go to the Georgia vs Arizona State game coming up in Georgia, and I am wondering if you might have a hookup on some tickets...I understand your husband might have some connections...and the tickets I have looked at are rather out of my price range, considering I gotta travel as well...let me know...cellochice@aol.com
Don't go out of your way, just if you know of any...

Elizabeth said...

AND btw, VERY sorry about your bad week...I don't think I ever made a comment when I first read this...

Rocketgirl said...

Okay, how did the lollipop get in your mouth?! You are such a good person, I would have stuck it under a display somewhere. And stupid week, you should have punched it in the nose.

Merilee said...

I laughed about the man with the v-neck.

Also, crap happens.

I also prayed with giant gratitude about my single nature today. You rock. Way to withstand the difficulty of motherhood!!!!

Melissa said...

I'm so glad you share these things with us. My week started with Leo hiding raw chicken breasts under my pillow and in my laundry basket. It has set a bad tone and I find myself annoyed and irritable with the stupidest things. Too bad you are so far away! I think we would make a good bad-week team.

Adriane said...

I am so laughing my bum off right now. Hillariousity!! I am glad your blog isn't private so acquaintances with 2 degrees of separation like me can tune in every now and again and get a well-needed laugh.

As a side note, I hope you are feeling better...but thanks for the vent all the same...it totally made my day.