heidi and the horrible, terrible, no good, really bad week

since monday morning i have been a jerk. not just a jerk. but the jerkiest jerk of all time jerks. jerkier than homemade jerky in a RONCO food dehydrater. that jerky. everything that has gone on this week has felt like the utmost chore.

i guess i could blame it on my everloving cold that i have acquired, but that would be a cop out.

this morning, scarlett dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor as we were walking out the door. and not just any cereal, but frosted mini wheats. i had to leave the mess on the floor or we would have been late for our doctor's appointment. so, lucky for me, meatball came along and decided to help clean up. and now i am blessed with the most "regular" dog of all time. and then scarlett wanted to help clean up by eating the pieces on the floor that weren't good enough for the dog to devour.

and then i had to take the kids to the doctor. and that is just horrible in itself. reagan had to get FOUR shots and i was the one lucky enough to hold him down.

after the doctor it was off to the BANE OF MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, WAL-MART. holy hell, i hate that place. and for some reason i was stuck holding scarlett's partially licked lollipop for the duration of our escapade until i could find a garbage can. in the meantime, said lollipop touched every surface of the store and my body, including my hair. and at one point the lolli was in my mouth.

but it hasn't just been today that i have been a master cranky jerk, it's been everyday. EVERYTHING is bothering me.


i have been awful to my darling and long-suffering thomas. he brought me a wonderful gift, a paula deen copper bottom frying pan, on monday and i was completely unappreciative and then i cried about how unappreciative i had been. and then i have been kicking him in my sleep. just because he hasn't been turning his alarm off in time.


and last night i had to put myself in time-out from the kids because i was getting so annoyed that they weren't "playing" right. the normally dulcet tones of my soft and soothing voice(lies that was all lies!) are now shriekier and more shrill than ever!


and yesterday morning when i came into the kitchen, scarlett says, "oh, no! here comes the witch!" which they actually call me all the time(thomas taught them that), but i wanted to shout, "I'M NO WITCH! I'M NICE!" but that probably wouldn't have been very convincing.


and my hair. and my face! and my whole goshdarn body! don't even get me started on those three! TRAITORS! they have betrayed ME! i don't want my hair even touching me and i only want to wear a gigantic muumuu so that my waistband won't cut into my stomach!

and my car is against me too! oftentimes i can just get in my car and listen to my favorite tunes to help relieve some of the stress but for some reason my cd player in my car has decided to hold all my favorite cds hostage. so no smooth sounds of james taylor or chicago or sugarland for me. and radio stations are a joke. the poor buttons to my radio can't take the abuse of my pummeling them because they are playing the wrong songs. if i have to hear "no surprise" by daughtry one more time... SURPRISE i might plow into another car in traffic.

and THEN, there was a man wearing a t-shirt with a lowLOWlow v-neck and i just wanted to shout at him, "it's a t-shirt, not a wrestling singlet! you're grossing me out man!"

and i can't even read or watch tv without my snarkiness getting the best of me. why aren't theres any tv shows or books where the bad guys win?! just once, i would like to see pete get the best of mickey mouse. that mouse gets EVERYTHING!

imagine what i would be like if i had real problems?