Friday, March 14, 2014

cheaters occasionally do prosper

so you don't want to but have to build a pinewood derby car? here's a step by step tutorial on what you should do!
1. give yourself plenty of time. after that, panic and realize you have no time and no tools.
2. go to the nearest junk(5 and dime)store and buy a pre-made pinewood car for 3 times the price. this might be considered cheating. i simply consider this smart. every parent has a talent. mine is finding the best solution to my problems.
3. spray paint on your front porch on a day when you haven't showered for 48 hours and you are trying to help your kids with homework at the same time. multitasking=yelling
4. skip dinner the night of the derby and shove several large handfuls of chocolate chips in your mouth while you are rubbing racing decals on. with your third arm, google the proper way to attach the tires. 

5. promise you will pray for forgiveness for all the swearing in your head.(and your mouth.)
6. apparently you can add weights to your car to achieve weight limit. that's good to know beforehand. as is knowing there is a desired weight limit. i didn't know this beforehand. this was my first pinewood. thomas was never a boy scout either. i'm tucking all this information away for when i'm a scout leader and need to share it with my pack in case there are a few clueless parents who like getting instructions on how to do things properly.

probably my least favorite thing of all time is going to church on wednesday night. i just want to put my kids to bed. i know my limits and evening activities put me way over the top. our afternoons are always already full and i get neither overtime nor hazard pay for evenings. i apologize to any who have encountered me on a wednesday night at church. i'm grumpy. i don't enjoy my bad attitude either. i feel i should be able to plead temporary insanity the nights my kids aren't in bed on time. everyone is happier when they are following their regular schedule. it's a fact. thus sayeth me. 

my other issue is that NOTHING STARTS ON TIME. 
 we took pictures to kill time until everything started and we killed that time dead.
scarlett and the "pink road rocket". 
our pack encouraged anyone who wanted to build a car to race after all the regulation scout racing was completed. scarlett was more excited than reagan about this activity and she gave me LOADS more input on her car design. luckily, the junk store had a pinewood truck and pink decals she just had to have. and i'm a pushover in a pinch so we ran with it. (scarlett dresses herself. she never met a pink sequin she didn't like.)

reagan with "green car bear". he is not good at naming things on the fly. 

still waiting for everything to start. it took so long that thomas made it before everything got rolling(punny) and he knew he was going to be late. blythe lives because he was at this activity.

finally! in case i need to plead my case before a judge, here is evidence of how long we waited: 37 minutes is way beyond my righteous thoughts capacity.

for the record, reagan does own a scout shirt. it is in pristine condition hanging in his closet. i'm just waiting for the perfect moment to sew all those patches on. hopefully, before he gets his eagle. 

in a complete 180 from my negative attitude, reagan was the best sport! he LOVES scouts. missing cub scouts has been a great bargaining tool. this scout activity was top notch in his book. after each race, he would declare himself the winner. he actually did win one race and was equally upbeat about each loss.

scarlett told me afterwards, "a boy said he hated my car! i think it's because mine beat his car!"

the moderately fast and none too furious. (not pictured, the furious. that was me.)

some kid named regan won for best classic car design. i'll keep this award until we run into a kid named regan so i can pass it along to him.

i thought i would pose with my creations:

how i really felt:

the end! until next year! and i'm sure there's no rule about re-spray painting a previous year's car! if there is, they probably won't tell me anyway!!!)


Jessica said...

There wasn't a word or sentiment i didn't love.

HJolley said...

Fantastic, fantastic! You are so funny. I am already scared of the pinewood derby. I don't understand what happens.

Mackenzie said...

You can glue on the patches with a hot glue gun. No sewing necessary.

Jessica said...

hahahahahaha. don't even get me started about cub scouts. i have majorly bad attitude about it over here. mostly because it happens EVERY week. and it's all the way over at the church. and it doesn't even start until 7 which is only half an hour before ethan's bedtime. and we meet with another ward so we're at the church on THEIR mutual night. which means i still have to truck over to the church on a completely separate night when grace has activity days. but don't even get me started on that. hahaha.