awesometown. more than just a name.

a list of a few of the awesome things taking up all our time.

awesome thing #1
my mom turned 35.


i made her a cake with twice as much frosting as the recipe called for.



awesome thing #2
the city has been ripping out the old gutters and putting in new ones.

the gruesome twosome have been mesmerized. it reminds me of when i was in college and they were putting in the huge new underground portion of the HBLL. i would sit mystified for hours(like i really spent that much time in the library) staring at the backhoes and dump trucks working. it was hypnotizing.



awesome thing #3
scarlett discovered my eyebrow waxing numbing cream. she decided it was lotion and rubbed it all over her body. hair, face, legs, stomach, everything. she was probably so numb that she didn't know she was in the bathtub.

awesome thing #4

the weather has been spring-like all summer. mostly 80s and low 90s. this is the coolest summer i have ever experienced 'round these parts. we have been able to play outside and enjoy taking walks in our wagon around our 'hood.

awesome thing #5
thomas turned 33. and he is just awesome in general.

even uncle bonecrusher was able to make it down from BYU-I for the occasion.

marky mark, thomas and my dislocated shoulder.

in case there was any confusion.


ring around the rosie-our homage to the black plague

beck speak term-blub

adjective(i ate so much that i am blubby), noun(a blub), verb(to blub it up) english origin

-what one becomes when you eat like we do- barbequed boston butt, shrimp n' grits, hangaburs with bleu cheese, root beer, chips and guac, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, a peach pie, homemade chocolate ice cream, cookies n' cream ice cream and three and a half cakes in two weeks(one chocolate chocolate, one white with chocolate, one mini black and white smiley face cake and one piece de resistance: red velvet cake with a brownie layer and gobs of cream cheese frosting.)

blub-tastic

awesome thing #6

a special birthday quiz prepared in honor of big T.

Thomas’ Quiz on Culture

1. Thomas’ football position in high school and college?
a. center b. quarterback
c. h2o engineer d. tight end(very tight end)

2. Audio question: (a voice message from a true southerner on our answering maching)
a. Who is this person asking for?
b. What do they assume has happened?
c. Who do you think the caller is?

3. As a youth, Thomas’ brother had a small dog named O.J. What was Thomas’ dog’s name?
a. George b. Spurrier e. Count Chocula
c. Herschel d. Omelette

4. What was Thomas’ law journal article titled?
a. A Comment on an Inherently Flawed Concept: Why the Restatement (Third) of Agency Should Not Include the Doctrine of Inherent Agency Power
b. Why Can’t Martha Stewart Have A Gun?
c. Artful Prior Art and the Quality of DNA Patents
d. Judicial Faithfulness or the Wandering Indulgence? Original Intentions and the History of Marbury vs. Madison

5. Name Thomas’ favorite movie.
a. O Brother, Where Art Thou? b. Top Gun
c. My Cousin Vinny d. Deliverance

6. Which Southern-themed movie always makes heidi cry?
a. Steel Magnolias b. Deliverance
c. Gone With The Wind d. Smokey and the Bandit

Southernisms matching: Translation/definition portion-

7. Jeet yet-
8. Hangernade-
9. Fixin’-
10. Showin’ her bottom-
11. Damyankees-
12. Farn-
13. Bob war-
14. Gubmint-
15. Bless her heart-
16. Jewhere
17. Lemme tell-ah sumpin-
18. SEC-
19. Awl-
20. Po-lease
21. UGA

a. I’m about to express my strong opinion on the matter

b. Person residing somewhere North of Richmond and West of Little Rock (or South of Jacksonville, FL)

c. Type of metal fencing adorned with small, sharp metal prongs; used to restrain livestock

d. The greatest conference in college football

e. Have you eaten anything?

f. Every one of you

g. Person who either was not born in the U.S. or whose parents, grandparents or great-grandparents were not born in the U.S.

h. Tactical field explosive; activated by removing a small pin and lobbing in the direction of the target

i. She is an idiot (or the thing she did was remarkably stupid)

j. About to; on the verge of beginning

k. Young girl’s demonstration of unruly behavior

l. Entity exercising political authority over a geographic area (always used pejoratively)

m. Law enforcement authorities

n. Have you heard?

o. Majestic and Regal college football mascot that frequently appears at wedding receptions, gentile baptisms and some funerals

answer key-1. A 3. C 4. A 5. B. 6. A 7. E 8. H 9. J 10. K 11. B 12. G 13. L 14. I 15. N 16. A 17 D 18. F 19. M 20. O

suburbia strikes back

1. DO NOT LITTER.

2. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

3. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT THE WINDOW.

4. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN,(DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF TURN SIGNAL USE) ONTO THE STREET.

5. DO NOT LITTER IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD BY THROWING YOUR FAST FOOD BAGS OUT OF THE WINDOW OF YOUR MOVING VEHICLE, THAT DIDN'T EVEN STOP AT THE STOP SIGN, ONTO THE STREET ACROSS FROM MY HOUSE WHILE I AM STANDING IN MY GARAGE WATCHING.

6. AND DON'T YOU EVEN SLOW DOWN TO LAUGH AT ME WITH YOUR BIG, STUPID, SIDEWAYS, WANNABE GANGSTA CAP ON YOUR BIG, IGNORAMUS FACE, AS I AM SCREAMING AT YOU LIKE A BANSHEE CAT IN HEAT.

7. YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THAT DECISION. YOU DUMB PUNKS.

saturday i spent nearly 6 and one half hours in my yard doing various forms of gardening and homeownership maintenance. i take great pride in my home and my neighborhood.

the last thing i want to see is some over-indulged kids driving around, disobeying traffic laws and carelessly throwing their garbage on the ground. i don't think those kids had any idea who they were messing with. i DO NOT take things lying down. thomas heard all the blood-curdling screaming and came outside to see who was about to be murderized. i quickly explained the situation and we jumped in the car to chase the perpetrators down. (okay, we were already planning a quick trip to the grocery store and the kids were already buckled in their seats. but we did collect their garbage and i made photographic evidence in case we saw a charcoal gray chevy blazer missouri license plate number FD9 A9Y with a varsity cheerleading sticker and the name "shelbie" on the backglass en route to hy-vee.

thanks to my intrepid detective skillz, the future burdens on government and society, or FBOGAS, as they will heretofore be termed, were spotted returning from the same hy-vee that we were headed to. thomas flipped a quick U-turn and we carefully and cautiously chased them back to the 'hood. they pulled up to their residence and thomas skillfully blocked them in. unfortunately, i was not the calm one in this situation(a first) and thomas decided to handle this alone. i took notes from the car. i restrained myself from taking pictures. at first they used the, "just-don't-look-at-that-large-man-coming-at-you" method of avoidance. not a smart move since a man of thomas' size is hard to ignore. when thomas tried to return the offending garbage to it's owners, they utilized the, "that's not mine" method of denial. i must note that the attire of the 3 male members of the FBOGAS was sleeveless football t-shirts from a local high school, making them highly identifiable. and thanks to "shelbie's" gender and cheerleading booty shorts, it was not hard to guess who she was. after additional firm, but kind prodding from thomas, the FBOGAS who actually lived on our block took the fast food garbage from thomas. no blood shed. no yelling. but, no apologies. all in a hard day's work.

i wonder if reagan and scarlett realize that they have the most embarassing parents ever?

REGULATORS! mount up!

*we are not dangerous. reagan had already removed his safety belt and we had come to a full stop in the parking lot when i took this team photo.

note to self: i really need to get in control of my screaming voice if people are going to take me seriously as a neighborhood anti-littering enforcer.

livin' large since 2002

july 9, 2009
seven years of wedded bliss!



this is just a glimpse of the card. i left off the dirty stuff. i can't wait for the 32nd anniversary. i plan on taking a bath in cream cheese. i think the year 27 anniversary gift would be more fitting after that.

since this is our 7th anniversary, this is what i plan on getting to celebrate our anniversary:


it's only fitting.

the requisite list of things that thomas does that rock my world:

1. when we were first married thomas used to carry around a pocket version of the declaration of independence and the constitution of the united states. he is probably the person most familiar with the workings of the government of the united states of america that i know. one time shortly after we were married, he was a little late meeting me to go home for the day. his excuse, "sorry, i really got caught up reading in a section of the constitution. it's fascinating!"

2. thomas always lets me say bad things about other people, organizations, events, places and whatnot that i couldn't normally get away with saying around regular people without them thinking that i was completely evil. and he never thinks that i am completely evil, just partially. he already knows how i am and i've never tried to hide that from him. he sometimes refers to me as the world's only living heart donor, since i tend to be cold and thoughtless on occasion. and he loves me anyway.

3. thomas always humors me by watching ridiculous movies that i have dvr'd. we don't like most TV shows, but we love some of the random almost good, but pretty much bad movies from yesteryear. some recent highlights include: highlander, purple rain, and road house(SO AWESOME). he will also record super nerdy things that he thinks that i will enjoy(and i do!). a few weeks ago he recorded a documentary on elvis presley focusing on his deep rooted love of gospel music. other times he has recorded things that reference things i like, such as MTV's special about taylor swift going to prom with a boy from hillcrest high school in tuscaloosa, alabama. or haunted mansions of savannah, georgia. you know, real high brow stuff. his most favorite thing to watch with me is AWA wrestling classics from the 80s, when wrestling was SO fake that they didn't even need steroids. i keep trying to convince him to abandon his day job and create an alter-ego with a name like, LEGAL BEAGLE, the Mad Dawg from the Dirrrty South(HE WILL LAY DOWN THE LAW IN THE RING!), so that he can become a pro-wrestler. there is something so hot about a man in spandex and knee-high boots. and a little uncomfortable too.

4. thomas is always encouraging me to do new things and be the best that i can be. he always asks me the about highlights(and mostly lowlights) from my volleyball games, he is my biggest supporter in my running endeavors, he thinks that i nothing short of a genius. often he will leave out articles from the wall street journal for me to read. sometimes he truly wants my opinion, lots of time he just want to light my fuse and enjoy the explosion. every girl should marry a guy who makes her feel like she is the best and most important thing in his life.

5. thomas is a rock solid sunday school teacher. as long as we have been married, he has almost always been ask to teach one type of sunday school class or another. he has an incredible knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. he has a natural gift for teaching and he amazes me with his dedication in preparing his lessons and trying to meet the spiritual needs of his class.

6. thomas is our kid's favorite. even the dog loves him better than me! and that doesn't bother me one bit. i relish the fact that they look forward to their daddy coming how each evening.

7. thomas doesn't cook a ton of things, but the things he makes are out of this world. no one makes better hot cheesy grits or home made ice cream better than thomas. he has mixing crystal light with the absolutely perfect proportions of water, ice and powder down to an art form.

8. thomas is proud of his southern roots like no other. he will be a southern boy until the day he dies, and when he dies, he will live on the south side of heaven. and in his heaven, there will be heat and humidity and huge bugs and people totin' large weaponry and driving big ole trucks with jacked up tires and wearing seersucker suits. and thomas' heaven will have not florida gators fans anywhere near him. all the florida fans will be banished to hell.

7 years down, an eternity to go!!!

reagan mcfly

when el presidente decides that he really, really likes something, he throws himself into it whole hog. his latest "favorite" is his life jacket. he loves to go swimming and he loves to make a fashion statement. you can always tell which days we have gone swimming because reagan will have his jacket on for the rest of the day.

reagan ready for any monster waves that might get him in the living room:

watching reagan play reminded me of the movie back to the future. a cinematic classic.

Biff Tannen: What are you looking at butthead?
Skinhead: Hey Biff, get a load of this guy's life preserver. Dork thinks he's gonna drown

not that reagan is in any way a dork. he is wonderful and most precious to me.

during my college years, my roommates and i had a neighbor who just loved back to the future, brian emerson. brian was a special soul. you could count on a brian visit like the sun rising, it happened each day like clockwork. he was absolutely head-over-heels-in-love with my roommate jessica. his distinctive slow, drawn-out knock put everyone in the house on alert to his presense. occasionally brian would bring a gift for our house's occupants. oftentimes it was flowers with roots still attached that he had just pulled from a neighbor's lawn. you would often see brian riding his bike around town, disobeying traffic laws, listening to the back to the future soundtrack on his walk-man. brian had the entire movie memorized word for word so along with his visits, you could always count on a few choice back to the future quotes from him. his quotations were always the highlight of his visit.

noteworthy back to the future quotes:


Dr. Emmett Brown: [holding Marty's video camera] No wonder your president has to be an actor, he's gotta look good on television






Marty McFly: Where are my pants?
Lorraine Baines: Over there, on my hope chest






Marty McFly: I just don't know if I can go through with it... hitting on her.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Nobody said anything about hitting her! You've just got to take a few liberties with her. [he winks]
Marty McFly: See! That's what I mean - I mean, gosh! I c-can't believe I'm actually gonna feel up my own mother. You know this is the sort of thing that could screw me up permanently. Well what if I go back to the future and I end up being... [he moves his hands around]
Marty McFly: ... gay?
Dr. Emmett Brown: Why shouldn't you be happy?






Dr. Emmett Brown: I'm sure that in 1985 plutonium is available in every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by.







and for those of you in the know, this little gem is in honor of brian emerson:

Biff Tannen: I can't believe you'd *loan* me your car without telling me it had a blind spot. I could've been killed!
George McFly: Now, now, Biff, now I never noticed that, uh, the car had any blind spot before when I would drive it. Hi, son.
Biff Tannen: But what are you, blind, McFly? It's there. How else do you explain that wreck out there?
George McFly: Now, Biff, um, can I - Can I assume that your, uh, insurance is gonna pay for the damage?
Biff Tannen: My insurance? It's your car. Your insurance should pay for it. I wanna know who's gonna pay for this. [shows his shirt]
Biff Tannen: I spilled beer all over when that car smashed into me. Who's gonna pay my cleaning bill?

brian, wherever you are, this ones for you!!!

Don’t need money, don’t take fame

Don’t need no credit card to ride this train

It’s strong and it’s sudden and it’s cruel sometimes

But it might just save your life

That’s the power of love,

That’s the power of love