5 stages of snow day grief or: how i learned to stop worrying and love the snow

it's not the kids. that's not the grief issue. snow days are great and terrible. they are great because you eat your weight in junk food. one of my snow days preparations is to have cream cheese, eggs, sugar, chocolate chips, graham crackers, pudding and cake mix on hand. it's terrible because you eat your weight in junk food. i have the cucumber sliced and ready to go, but it easily pales next to my lemon squares and my 2 layer brookies(brownie layer and chocolate chip cookie layer). it's terrible because the fact IS that snow isn't very fun if you don't have proper snow attire and i make it my business to make sure WE WILL NEVER HAVE PROPER SNOW ATTIRE. we live in south carolina for a reason. we are heat oriented people. snow days are great because you don't have to go anywhere but terrible because you can't go ANYWHERE. (go ahead and DON'T tell me how you have "real snow" where you live and our 3-8 inches is a light dusting. it rained yesterday before the snow so our road are slick!)

the 5 stages of snow day grief

1. denial.  i never tell my kids until the morning of that school is  cancelled so that i won't be cajoled into extending bedtimes and by some miracle they will sleep in if i don't get them up for school.

2. anger. a. because i have a vehicle that is used to heat and humidity and when it drops below 20 degrees, my driver's side door likes to unlatch. b. and while i really do love having my kids home, i've got stuff to DO.

3. bargaining. because schoolwork still has to be done. we're anticipating at least 2 days off from school this week so it doesn't have to be done NOW, but it still looms in the air like a fart in an elevator.

4. depression. because it's cold. and practical shoes are ugly. so ugly. 

5. acceptance. it's cold. the messes are out of hand. so you bake cookies until you are out of flour and call it good.(some people "play" in the snow. i just like to stare out the window and watch it fall.)

we had our first snow day last week. they let school out early at noon and reagan ran around the yard until it finally snowed.

scarlett's version of "playing" in the snow is "posing" in the snow. 

 i was safely ensconced inside.

there had been much talk about power outages and school cancellations with the next round of ice storms predicted for this week, so yesterday i took myself to walmart at 1030am to get some additional necessities. we could potentially be out of school from tuesday to friday and the prospect of taking all three kids to the store in the snow makes me sympathetic to the cannibal-like tendencies of the donner party. i squeezed in my trip to walmart after i did an extra hard workout since i didn't know when i would make it back to the gym this week. i smelled BAD. everyone and their dog was at walmart too, making the experience especially unbearable and noteworthy(2 different people with BIG FACE TATTOOS! how do you not stare at that?)

(cutest baby in the check out line.)

(CHECK OUT THESE LINES!!! and that lady's face who is photobombing! we chatted it up and became fast friends. you will always make friends in the check out line at walmart in the South. southerners are chatty and we can't help ourselves. i also met a lady who had moved here from texas and a lady who was from rochester, ny and was caring for her 90 year old mother and her 92 year old mother-in-law.)

 at noon, after much navigating and strategy and 20 minutes in the check out line, i reached into my bag for my wallet to pay for my goods. my wallet was not there. 90 sweaty, grueling minutes at walmart for naught. i will admit that i fled to my car and CRIED! sobbing, heaving, gasping tears. i drove home through a veil of tears, ate a GIANT brownie that i was saving for the kids to split after school and i drove back to walmart. they had my cart at customer service with some extra stuff from other people thrown on top. i had to sort through my cart, get in line at customer service only to find out that the cashier had not left me a receipt to recall my transaction, then had to get back in a regular check out line, wait for 25 minutes this time and finally recheck all my items, pay my dang money and run out of the store at 115pm like a woman who had been there since 1030am. because i HAD been there since 1030am. then i went home and showered and picked up the kids from school.  and now i'm ready for the snow day(week).

and today's snow:

lovely from the inside!

the haps with the craps

alternate title: helping my kids figure out who they are and being thrilled about it anyway. 

there is a pretty long list of things that worry me about my kids: testimony, illness, education, peer acceptance, being a spineless sheep, pornography, quick sand, coyotes living in the woods by our house, my kid's fears. there are few things i'm NOT worried about. worries are an encyclopedia brittanica. non-worries are a leaflet flyer. 

one thing that has been rolling around in my head on a constant loop for a while now is figuring out how to help my children figure out who they are and be completely happy with it.

scarlett is so like me in so many ways. i revel in that knowledge and fear for her at the same time. my public school years were difficult for me because i knew i wasn't "cool" and that i didn't wear the "right" clothes(and i didn't really want to) and while i liked myself, i wasn't confident in myself. i was SHY! and scarlett is SHY! and i hate that because i don't want her to miss out on things because she's shy. i STILL hate thinking about how nervous i would get before going to birthday parties or playdates when i wouldn't know everyone or anyone. everything worked out fine because now at 33, i probably like myself too much and should probably dial my personality back a bit in mixed company, simply so that i don't overwhelm other children. i fear those same years will be hard for scarlett because she's delightfully weird and imaginative and quirky and we live in a society of trendy followers who claim to celebrate diversity, but only if you are "diverse" like everyone else.

 what's the trick navigating to your children's anxieties but avoiding giving them the impression that they can do no wrong? i don't know! i don't know ANYTHING! 3+4=9. see what i mean! 

 this morning was great moment for me though. we were running out the door to church(ACTUALLY ON TIME, but that's not the climax of this story) and as we were loading up, scarlett grabbed this floral belt from one of her other dresses and tied it on her head. my gut/boring/mom reaction was to tell her to take it off, the other part of me who is not afraid of harmless self-expression loved it and  i tightened it up for her. 

and now she really can do no wrong!

reagan's idiosyncrasies are even more interesting for me to decipher. because he's not a communicative, i find it's harder to figure out who he is. the good thing is that he is pretty solid in liking himself and doesn't care about what others think. a great thing to achieve at an early age.

reagan's latest obsession is of the gravity-defying, equine variety

rainbow dash

he's pretty keen on her. as evidenced by the above picture, rainbow dash has seen a lot of action.

we've never done anything to promote anything being specifically "boy" oriented or "girl" oriented. we simply don't care. kids like what they like. reagan and scarlett are close enough in age that they've shared almost all their toys. the really interesting thing about reagan is he's formed some of his own opinions about what gender can use what. reagan won't even eat off a pink plate and vehemently exclaims that the pink princess barbie cup is for "girls only". so, the constant presence of rainbow dash in our lives does surprise me, as my little pony was first something scarlett liked and involves a LOT of pink and has predominantly female ponies. upon further research, reagan is not alone. apparently there is an entire movement of "bronies"(a portmanteau of "bro" and "pony")who appreciate My Little Pony for it's "strong characters, cross-generational appeal, cultural references, the show's expressive Flash-based animation, and the ability for the showrunners to communicate and reciprocate with the fandom, such as including fan-derived elements within the show.^[Hasbro was initially caught off-guard by this surprise demographic but have since come to embrace it, leveraging licensing deals to market clothes, media, and other merchandise beyond toys to the older audience.^[".

FASCINATING!

any show that encourages kids to be themselves, enjoy reading(which reagan deplores) and has a nearly spot on episode inspired by Top Gun, i'm a fan of too.

is that not Viper from Top Gun in my little pony form?

I'll admit that this hasn't been my favorite thing for him to like because i do worry that other kids will think it's too girly and bully him about it. i don't want to see my kid picked on because i'm afraid my reaction will be ugly and borderline criminal. but, if reagan's not bothered, i won't be either. i'll just find something else on the list to worry about. like the national debt and whether disability benefits will be available to him. see, there's the cloud to the silver lining!

and then sweet little blythe who likes to disrobe in any store we go to with clothing on display. a bit of an exhibitionist. always up for a strip down. this is one thing i'd like her to grow out of, just for propriety's sake. she looks like she auditioning for disney channel.

the end.

this is me, lightening up!

i'm more of a stress/anxiety case than i would like to admit. in fact, it had been a crippling problem until the last year or so when i decided i wasn't going to unnecessarily worry about things anymore. and i don't! i don't worry about things! it's freeing! i still show concern and i still plan and organize and prepare and if something requires NECESSARY thought, i think about it. but that is a world away from constant worry! i say no to things that are possible for me to do and i just pray and try my best to do the things i can do or have committed to do. it's not easy and i'm far from perfect at it, but now i don't punish myself over and over in my mind thinking about things unnecessarily.  it's so much easier to forgive others too when you abandon anxiety. you have to embrace giving people the benefit of the doubt if you expect them to do the same for you! i came to the realization that no one is sitting around and thinking about me but ME! i can't waste energy on things that don't matter. 

putting all that into practice isn't a piece of cake. 

children=worry

being alive is hard. 

but letting things go is a balm to my soul. 

especially since athena blythe decided to turn into a gremlin, constantly on the brink of destruction.

she loves to push her dishwasher car around the kitchen:

she has no problem getting and eating her own meals.

baking is a specialty

she will fool you with cute faces, but she it PLOTTING!

she saves her stinkiest and most explosive poops for when we are in a strict time crunch while standing in essential checkout lines at the store and the library. 

she is the master of the car tantrum. screaming at a constant pitch until you reach your destination and then she launches herself into other parts of the car until i get to scramble over seats to reach her. she even got in someone else's van at the gym last week when she saw their automatic doors pop open. that's a new way to make friends.

she wrote the book on the out-of-nowhere-lose-all-muscle-tone-drop-to-the-knees-spineless-jellyfish-drag so that I look like the bad guy pulling this poor lifeless baby through stores or parking lots. but i don't worry! it's trying but it doesn't matter.

her tantrums are so epic, they are funny. 

the paper towel stack tantrum rolled over into the  not wanting the bath tantrum:

she was HATING me for taking pictures and laughing.

and then she was SO MAD when i gave her a quick bath.

she climbed back in to try and stop the water from draining:

and when all hope was lost she tightened into a ball in hopes that i would not be able to pull her out.

and then i recorded all the messes. 

but it's okay, because children/barnyard animals are being raised here. we are a versatile bunch. seriously, these messes make my head twitch to the side involuntarily, but i'm trying to preserve my mom yelling voice for "DANGER, these freshly microwaved corndogs might burn your mouth!" and not "CLEAN THIS CRAZY MESS UP YOU MONSTERS!" because then i'm the monster, who at 33, should have better control of my emotions. i try to not unnecessarily worry about them remembering only those deranged mom moments. 

homework was completed and folks were fed and we had fun and a bunch of neighbor kids came over and we worked together crafting ugly things that i'll sneak out in the garbage. the kids made paper goods towers and laughed about how much toilet paper i bought. because we require A LOT. i checked all the necessary boxes for the day and left the unnecessary things to another day because, "tomorrow is another day!"-scarlett o'hara.

but before friday fun because if this mess is still here, friday fun is canceled.

my mom had this poem on the wall of our kitchen growing up and i had parts of it memorized. it's a good one.

"Excuse This House"

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there,
Ours boasts it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges are on the doors
I should apologize, I guess
For toys strew on the floor.

But I sat down with my child
And we played and laughed and read
And if the doorbell doesn’t shine,
His eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I’m forced to choose
The one job or the other,
I’d like* to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I’ll be a mother.

*if i wrote this poem it would say, "i'll teach them to cook and clean and scrub with me so that they develop home care and appreciation skills". my version is a bit wordy.

decembrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

decembrrrrr haiku

december! where you?

calories and gifts packed in

thighs and kids thank you

recap:

scarlett hates when i do her hair but occasionally she comes to me with sunday hair requests. 

a recent hair success was her queen lillian from shrek hairstyle.

lunch with reagan! (and evidence of my cutie addiction!)

brunch with blytheee and daddy. (on a random friday downtown! wild and crazy us!)

introduced the kids to home alone. it only took about 23 attempts before they "got it".

i attempted some craftiness and made this triangle flag garland.

funnel cakes at roper mountain christmas lights!

quality shoe time with blythe. the highlight of the day are her shoe choices for me. these are a fave.

we were invited to a cookie decorating party and i ROCKED IT. not that is was a contest, but i WON!

this stinker made mess after mess after mess.

after i spent 2 hours christmas eve morning cleaning up christmas eve morning excitement barf, we hit downtown and ate at the kids favorite pizza place.  

i was hoping for no christmas eve evening excitement barf.

downtown greenville is the best, especially at christmastime. 

thomas was lucky enough to be able to work most of christmas eve! thank you target debit card identity breach! thanks from all the simpson family! i'd like to punch all you identity hacking thieves in the mistletoe.

each christmas santa claus drives his sleigh around downtown. he's pretty hip.

christmas morning shoe choice. 

anticipation! 

there is a local store that sells pretty much everything and then on top of that, junk and more junk. you never know what you'll find and they have an incredible selection of pinatas, hair ribbons, cake decorating supplies and melissa and doug puppets. reagan is a burgeoning puppeteer and his christmas was made. 

top of scarlett's list was a pair of unicorn stompeez. 

shoes. naturally.

reagan the cartographer was able to add to his collection.

and this is how things went...

gourmet sausage breakfast bread:

note to self, this needed a longer time to bake than specified. but raw in the middle is fun too.

santa's cookies:

christmas afternoon at the park:

pajamas all day!

driving to visit family. the happiest she was while conscious. 

desperate measures and the sacrificial tub of wipes.

and the wordless photo dump begins so that i can just hit publish!!!

 caption this using holiday terms:

can you tell i'm wearing a hat?

rode to jacksonville in the back of the yukon by myself. a little gift to myself. i stared out the window and thought about nothing!

we all felt like this waiting 45 minutes to eat.

awesome girl conquered her fear of mcdonald's playland. (me too, they are NASTY!)

danger baby:

the end