Wednesday, October 29, 2014

jebediah heidi


 recent goals have included trying really, really hard to be fun because i have been so incredibly lame over the last few months. thomas has started to refer to me as "jebediah atkinson" of saturday night live weekend update fame because of our similarities in disposition and personality. google his SNL commentary on the tony awards. right now. i'll wait. we're twins. and he's right about cats. 
the day i brought home a few meager gourds and miniature pumpkins with which to decorate our entry table, thomas even commented on the upswing in my mood. "look at you, not biting off the heads of harmless bunnies AND decorating!" it was a good day, indeed. 
today's adventure in fun included the local grocery store halloween party. our publix halloween party in simpsonville last year was lights out awesome so i was hoping that our local kroger would be more of the same. unfortunately, we got off to a rocky start. i got posed pictures with the two tolerable kids. reagan was a bit angsty because he was so worried about being late and missing all the candy. i assured him that the party was supposed to last from 4-7 and that we would have plenty of opportunity to get candy if we arrived at 5. 


scarlett is a dream who recognizes that chaos often reigns and she needs to stay my rock of composure. poor thing also thought the layered skirts that i made for her costume were the bee's knees even though i failed to do a bit of finishing stitching on the waistband and said to heck with everything on the hem and just cut all skiwampous to finish it. 

blythe required manhandling to have her stinky diaper changed, further manhandling to put on her costume and the always effective knee-to-the-shoulder technique to force on her shoes. 


it was so crazy bad that i didn't dare take the time to change my own clothes and i committed the egregious sin of wearing my maternity leggings as pants in public. for shame. (however, i was not the only one at kroger guilty of this offense, but i was the only one who knew it!)

at this point as i was driving down the street and AC/DC's "for those about to rock, we salute you!" was blaring through my speakers and i could not think of a more apropos song to describe what we were about to do to kroger. 

kroger halloween party disappointments
1. i had to search out the party upon entrance to the store. it was not readily apparent where all the fun was being had and therefore it indicated that not much fun was being had. 
2. there was no employee costume dress code. you would hope that the adults in charge of a children's party would be able to make the distinction of appropriate and inappropriate but the employee wearing the slutty bumble bee costume with NO PANTS and fishnet tights and a saggy elasticized strapless top had never had the thought of appropriate costume occur to her(and yes i did try to get a picture but gollum was climbing all over me and making that crucial snap impossible.) bumble bee's boyfriend was assisting her and his costume was that of sweaty lawn mower operator. i'm glad he was in charge of passing out the cookies, which he was also stingy about.
3. only about 3 pieces of candy person child. the mom in me didn't mind but it did make reagan a bit of a prophet with amount of candy concerns.


and then the scariest part of the halloween party arrived home, stripped off her shirt and ran around the house as happy as could be.  


and then she ate a corndog.

5 comments:

Julie said...

Did you forget to add the picture of you in your maternity leggings?

Emily Curfew said...

you are the best comedy in my life. always snicker / laugh out loud along the way of reading your posts.

too too funny that this blog post is about a grocery store halloween party. i'm giggling as i write this.

HJolley said...

we went to our publix halloween party and it was SO LAME. i think we were the only ones participating. they had four stations throughout the store but you had to really ask around to figure out what was a station because each one was just a card table with two pieces of candy on it.

Lindsey said...

I want maternity leggings. Those sound amazing.

Nicole Bolinger said...

I hate Halloween!! I love you!!