blinded by the light

i gave up running for the last year. it has always been my most favorite form of exercise, but i was feeling burned out and unmotivated so i put running on a shelf for a while and experimented with other types of exercise as my main form of fitness. just in the past few weeks, i've started lacing up the ol' sneaks again and hitting the treadmill. it's not ideal, but most mornings are already in the low 30s and i just don't have the mental fortitude built up yet to deal with that kind of cold while running. not running meant i was missing a great time that i was able to ponder things. it is one of the most spiritual times for me because and i truly alone and that doesn't happen often. since i've started running again, i realized that i never recorded some of my most meaningful running spiritual inspirations.

1. On a saturday morning a couple of years ago, i happened upon an unusual sight. several gigantic birds of prey were devouring a dead deer. whenever i go running, the kids always ask if i saw any wild animals so i knew this sort of national geographic moment would thrill the kids. i was across the street from the breakfast feast when i slowed to a walk and i quickly pulled out my phone from my running belt. one of the large birds eyed me as i made this movement. as soon as i lifted my phone up to record, all the birds turned their heads and took note of me. after a beat, they all abandoned their meal and in a thunder of wings, flew quickly away. i was disappointed, because i knew i wasn't a threat, but those birds knew to not take a risk and they followed their self-preservation instincts. they knew enough to know that i could easily be a threat to them and to abandon ship. i recall a long time ago hearing a quote along the lines of "humans are the only members of the animal kingdom who sense danger and push forward anyway." i'm not sure how accurate that quote is, but i think it's a interesting sentiment. do we have the humility to get away from a threat, or do we try and rationalize a threat away because it is inconvenient or we don't want to make the effort or because everyone else is doing it? i've ruminated on this many times during subsequent runs. how do i fail to yield to danger signs? last year we had some bear sightings in our neighborhood and i took a couple weeks off from running in the dark so that i wouldn't be eaten by a bear. a major threat was avoided, even if it sounds silly or unbelievable. on a spiritual vein, what are threats that the prophet has warned us about that i'm certainly not skeptical of, but i'm not doing earnest and whole-hearted job of heeding? do i flee early enough when i sense a warning or do i stick around to see how things unfold anyway?

2. when i run on a weekday morning, i have to get up even earlier than i do on a saturday morning to be able to fit in all the miles i need to complete for that day. i do my best to pick running routes that are familiar and safe. i never run in an unfamiliar place in the dark. it's incredibly dark at 5 am, so i am well equipped with a headlamp and lights on my running belt and mace in my hand. that way i can see the ground in front of me and cars can see me. even with all my safety precautions, there is a certain stretch of road that has a distinct absence of light. there are no street lamps for a about a half mile. since i've run that route a million times in the light, i know it well and i know it is safe and i know it's the path that leads home. i've studied it out and i've practiced it. however, every time i am on that dark and lonely stretch, i start to question my steps. i slow down my pace considerably and when an unexpected car starts heading my way i will convince myself to stop completely because of uncertainty and fear. the headlights will come towards me and illuminate everything around me to the point of blindness. it makes no sense. i know i am safe and on the right path but the circumstances shake my faith in myself and what i know. the light should help me, but it's not a consistent light. it wavers. it mimics the sun but it's erratic. it grows and wanes and isn't constant. it blinds me with its lies. once i make it through the dark stretch of road i am fine. i'm running at my regular pace and i'm so much closer to home. the trial is over.

i've pondered this running phenomenon many times and this is the conclusion i've come to: i've done the work. i've studied the map and it's the gospel. i know the map. i know that it works and that it will lead me home. it's the straight and narrow and familiar path. but i also know that there will be many times that the adversary will try and blind me on things i already have a testimony of. Satan is the great deceiver and he will try and use forms of light to mimic the true light. he likes to use a portion of truth to make his deception palatable and to make us question our beliefs, enough to slow us down or even stop us on our path to our true home. he blinds us with his lies. i need to consider this lesson every day. what things in my life am i accepting as true light, when it is merely a bright, short lived headlight meant to pass me by? how is my discernment on these things involving politics or religious culture or the latest popular belief du jour? it's a daily quest. i hope that as run more, i will make that time a time for personal pondering so that thoughts that escape me during the chaos of my day will inspire me during my times alone.