the 2018 christmas letter that time forgot

i didn't do a christmas card or letter this year, despite it being one of my all time favorite traditions. i'm sad about it but glad i'm am learning at my ripe old age of 38 to make executive decisions to benefit my sanity. 

here's a rundown of the simpson family highlights:

herschel is now potty trained! it's nearly impossible to potty train an uninterested party but we were under a time crunch as he had to be diaper-free to attend pre-school and the deposit had already been paid. if necessity is the mother of invention then frugality is the sister of potty training motivation. herschel loves pre-school and running in a pack of kids and calling it soccer. his favorite activity is playing with trucks in the mud in the backyard. 

athena blythe is a prolific reader and mastermind of numerous self-promoting schemes. she read the assigned 100 books for school in her sleep. i've received more than a few calls from the school asking about her various nefarious plots. recently she forged notes so that instead of riding the bus home she can get on the gymnastics school van. her future is so bright! she can often be found writing and illustrating short story books about her fascination of the week.

scarlett is a delight and a certifiable wit. she started middle school this year and it's been a challenge but i'm very impressed with her hard work to bring home good grades and make new friends. she is still involved in her drama class(even though i think she should be teacher the class because of her innate comedic timing) and did swim team for the first time this year. she loved it. i loved her loving it. her highlight of the year was going with thomas to panama city to help with disaster relief clean up. 

reagan brings happiness with him wherever he goes unless you deviate from the schedule or there is a dog not on a leash. however, he has gotten brave enough to do the whole 2 mile trail loop at the park on his scooter. he also has made great strides in passing the sacrament at church. i still have a mini heart attack when he decides to get selective and go out of order and pass to his favorite people first, but those occurrences are becoming more rare. everyone is better for knowing reagan.

as for myself, i have many considerable contributions to society: i excel at getting athena blythe to the 7:14am bus stop on time. my eyelashes are really long. i don't sleep much unless i'm trying to read a book or watch a movie and then i tend to sleep a lot. i've perfected my vomit clean up techniques. i like lifting weights. i watch episodes of jeopardy while i cook uninspiring meals. scarlett and i watched titanic together recently and i still think rose could have made room for jack on that door.

thomas is only better with age and the only person worth following for sports commentary on the facebook. he does a lot of legal work for edible arrangements for which i am grateful but i also find ironic because i think chocolate covered strawberries are gross. we did a lot of weightlifting together this year and i consider him a most knowledgeable coach. he's my spotter in and out of the gym, always encouraging and supporting my heavy load. 

for the third year in a row we completed reading the Book of Mormon as a family. it's our quest and biggest accomplishment of the year. we're grateful for the peace it brings to our home. we love our Savior, Jesus Christ. we know He loves you, too. we wish you a wonderful 2019. 

roll tide

dog people

want to feel like the best mom? get your kids a dog!

want to feel like the worst mom ever? take the dog back an hour later because it won't stop biting the kids!

athena blythe has been researching chihuahuas for months, complete with watching youtube dog training videos and writing and sending multiple letters to "mexico's pet shop", since chihuahuas are from mexico. thomas and i agreed to make athena blythe's dreams come true for christmas. we've had a dog in the past and we do feel it's important for our family to have a dog to teach responsibility and to help some of our more special kids learn to adapt to unpredictable circumstances. we found a 3 year old chihuahua from the local prison rescue program, (inmates training dogs as part of their own personal rehabilitation program. brilliant. everyone gets saved.) and contacted the officer in charge. he approved our application and we went to meet paco! paco was a delight! well mannered! darling! low energy! loved all of us! we paid the fee and took paco with us! everything was going great! 

then we arrived at home. we let paco take his time to get acclimated. he ran around a bit, marked his territory, and then we all went inside. i told all the kids to give him all the space he needed. he trotted about a bit and laid down on the couch. i'm the best mom! even reagan was acting a little interested, if from a good distance. after a few minutes, paco decided he didn't want anyone near him but me. he followed me around the kitchen and that was a fine development too. then i went and sat on the couch with him. he jumped right on my lap. the kids joined us. again, very low key. none of our regular unruliness. herschel reached to pet paco and paco lunged at him and snapped at his hand. herschel was frightened but everything was still okay. new dog, new surroundings. we were being calm and patient. we went back to just quietly sitting. i pet paco. other attempts were made by the kids to pet paco. he growled and bared his teeth at everyone but me. several more attempts by paco were made to bite the children. everyone ran screaming from the room. this is not my first foray into pet owning. i'm not a dog person anymore, but i have enough know how to know when a dog is very anxious and uncomfortable to be displaying such strong aggressive behavior toward children. this dog was not going to be a dog we could handle. at this point, everyone is cowering and crying because of this tiny dog. we had finally worked with reagan long enough that he didn't run screaming from dogs on leashes at the park. all this progress this was being undone in one hour. this dog clearly needed further obedience training that we could not provide. 

i called the officer in charge of the program and left a message on his voicemail about paco. i'm pretty sure he loved deciphering that bawling message from me. he called me back and said he was very surprised at this change in paco behavior from the dog he knew and to immediately bring him back to him. 

of course, this is when further crying ensued from herschel and athena blythe as they begged me to let us keep paco even though they were both terrified. 

i made the drive back with the sweet and cuddly version of paco on my lap, since all the kids stayed home, and surrendered him back to the jail dogs program. the officer was so understanding and even refunded my non-refundable adoption fee. i cried some more. 

thomas my hero called as i was driving home to help me feel better. which is ironic, because i didn't even WANT A DOG. at home i discovered this fresh new trauma:

someone had eaten my secret stash of peanut butter m&ms and scribbled all over my pillowcase with a pen. the culprit left behind his special blankie. 

that's white nail polish on my bedspread from a previous misadventure.

so famous amos had to rescue me again, like he did all those times during pregnancy when i need to eat a lot of something fast to feel better. 

and that's the terrible true story of how we had a dog for an hour.

odds and ends in fall

as we head into the holiday season, i wanted to make a note of odds and ends from the last few months. memories and instances that did not garner their own post but require recognition nonetheless.

can you find the exposed underwear, the cat ears, and dragon boots?

herschel was slow to warm to soccer but once he finally came around he really liked it. there was plenty of running around and shrieking. after one game herschel earned the "best listener" award. the award does not apply to at home behavior. 

season finale game complete with trophy and cheetos.

lots of intense games full of strategy and skill. run! kick! fall down! kick! do it again!

action shot:

there were three kids wearing the number 4 jersey on his team.

bunny whisperer

i love with athena blythe rebels against my normal outfit selections and adds her own additions. she was mad that i braided her hair and put out shorts and a t shirt for her to wear so she added the chef hat  and the extra dress to make her point. to everyone else she looked like she had escaped from an orphanage and was going through some sort of treatments.

scarlett and i had the women's broadcast. because of my calling i was in charge of the dessert and hors d'ouevres beforehand. i brought my pumpkin decorations for the food tables but i did manage to sneak in one skull just for fun. unfortunately, i had to do all the cleanup by myself. sisters, if you are at an activity, before you leave, please look around for what you can do to help clean up so that one person isn't stuck doing all of it and they miss half the broadcast. it was frustrating for me. i'm trying to think of the spiritual lesson but i think i just need to learn patience. again. 

scarlett had her choir concert. they did it in 30 minute increments by grade so that not all the parents had to sit through all the classes. brilliant. 

cute herschel-a-saurus

hersch in time out

pre-church herschel

athena blythe made halloween masks for everyone in the family. they were delightfully creepy.

i found a doll cake pan for cheap so i made a creep red velvet cake.

we also made a really dry eyeball cake. very disappointing.

this keeps happening. we were late for school one morning because i couldn't find herschel because he had hidden inside this pillow.

this was on the side of the road. it made me sad. 

athena blythe and herschel spending extended amounts of time in the backyard building squirrel tunnels and cages. 

the end.

congealing our family

the list of things i'm grateful this year would certainly include the fact that i don't have to lug a baby in a baby carrier around everywhere. also pretty grateful that hersch is potty trained. people always tell you that you'll miss the times when your kids are small, and i will, but there's plenty of stuff i won't miss. like clunky baby carriers, having to have diapers and wipers in every room of the house and in my car at all times, plotting your own demise when you forget the stroller and not doing certain activities because a baby wouldn't do well with them. we are already a family of quite a few accommodations but this most recent trip to waycross for thanksgiving was as "seat of our pants" as we've ever experienced. it was exhilarating! 48 hours and two hotel rooms later, we have experienced the beginning of family nirvana and it tastes a lot like ruby tuesday. mostly because we ate there twice on thanksgiving. 

before we left, athena blythe accompanied me to hersch's thanksgiving lunch at his school. hersch's teachers did it right because we had a huge platter of chik fil a nuggets and homemade macaroni and cheese with the baked cheese on top. i ate more macaroni and cheese than anyone else there. i won! 

we left for waycross on wednesday afternoon and spent thanksgiving morning exploring laura s. walker state park. 

we did the nature hike and it was perfectly not hard. there was still complaining but sometimes a little complaining is good so that the wild animals are scared away. you don't worry about your kids getting lost when you can still hear whining from miles away. i think whining may be the sound that travels the farthest in the shortest amount of time.

after the park, for lunch we ate at ruby tuesday. then we saw wreck it ralph 2: ralph breaks the internet the kids loved it. everyone watched the WHOLE THING and no one had to be taken out to the hallway to be entertained. thomas was able to check football updates because there were so few people in the theater and i took a bit of a nap. win win win. 

after the movie we headed to thomas's mom's house for dinner. then we headed back to ruby tuesday because there were zero desserts and we could not end this fun day on that note. i took no pictures because i was living in the moment! actually, it always bugs a bit when people say you can't enjoy as much if you are always taking pictures. there is some truth to that, but my mom brain is mush and i need photographic evidence of certain things otherwise that memory is irretrievable.

friday morning we headed to the Okefenokee swamp park, or the "land of the trembling earth" because the swamp ground is so unstable. thankfully, because no real babies were on this trip, this was the most stable i've felt while traveling in a long time! but, i also have a crazy digestive system so i could still be contributing to the trembling earth. that was a gas joke ladies and gentleman. that is what you came here for. 

 scarlett and herschel posing with local celebrity pogo the possum, star of the pogo comic strip that ran daily from 1948-75. 

 real live swamp gators. there were 5 in this particular area. since we were all getting along so well, i didn't feel the least bit tempted to throw anyone in. 

we did the swamp train. no one fell out. i pulled a doug beck and attempted to read all the informational placards.

this is the actual preserved carcass of a giant alligator named old roy that lived to be about 90.  he had to be placed in captivity because he used to follow the fisherman and attack their boats and steal their fish. fun times. he was 12 feet 10 inches long and weighed 650 pounds. 

at this point, people were starting to get less excited about the swamp.

the final activity was the touch and hold wild animal presentation. i'm pretty sure the presenter was on the autism spectrum so my mother heart was bursting with pride for him. reagan did a bang up job watching the wild animals being presented and then politely covered his ears and eyes when the snakes were brought out. 

accommodation adaptation visibility! WE ARE AUTISM! 

i just made up that autism cheer. 

my baby monsters with a baby alligator

after the swamp we drove back to atlanta in the pouring rain. 

the next day i made pies to make up for our lack of thanksgiving desserts. pies are not my forte but they turned out okay. they were even better the next day, which i find to be true of most things. congealing is a gross sounding word but a delicious result. kind of like raising a family. sometimes even better after a good amount of time has passed.