my curse

though i have never encountered a troll under a bridge, nor an evil witch(except in my mirror), or stepped on a crack and broken my mother's back, i live with a pretty serious curse. it's the curse of being perfectly capable of making foodstuffs for my own family, but immediately losing all culinary capability when guests are present in my home. 

par exemple, saturday night i stayed up late chopping giant sized chocolate bars, mixing a special blend of cake and bread flours and chilling for over 24 hours to create the perfect chocolate chip cookie concoction. when i baked them the next day after the proper chilling period in anticipation of our guests, i

resulted in this mess:

 which had to be served like this:

and then i cried myself to sleep. 

that is why i dread entertaining guests. 

occasionally inviting

recently my saint of an aunt asked me to make being a mother of 3 look "occasionally inviting". i guess i am guilty of being stressed out all the time and not enjoying the chaos. i took that request to heart. for the past couple of weeks i tried to take pictures of the really good moments with my kids.  i didn't take a single picture of me laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, praying for a few extra hours of solitude before the kids get up and i rejoin the chain gang. 

reagan has gotten really, really good at immediately doing his homework as soon as his comes home from school. incentive parenting really works for us. and he's lucky enough to be a lefty, just like his mom. 

scarlett has taken to riding around in the jeep in the backyard with her backpack still strapped on.  she likes to make a loop and then park when she gets home. i also think it's her homework avoidance technique. 

my tiny dancer. she likes to put on shows and have me record them.

this baby likes to pass gas in the liberry. babies passing gas in quiet settings never gets old. it's always funny. especially with that sweet, little innocent face.

was that me?

scarlett loves to help with the recycling. she tosses the plastic bottles with such gusto that sometimes they hit the side of the bin and come back and hit her on the forehead. it's hilarious. i need to get a video of her multiple attempts to get a bottle in the slot. 

 i love putting this baby down to sleep(and more than just because i get to be alone and sneak ice cream and cookies and not have to hide in a closet to enjoy them) because this baby has the cutest little bum and she rolls over on her side and goes straight to sleep. i just turn off the lights and shut the door. 

i even enjoy her when she's awake. she's quite the talker. and eater. and drooly kisser. and hair puller. she makes me want another one. i'm looking into my kidnapping options. 

i can't help but like these people. even with my naturally cynical, sarcastic disposition, they have won me over. no one is getting voted off the island this week. 

scarlett to reagan today, "if you marry someone else, i'll really miss you."

so, yeah. sometimes my life is occasionally inviting. 

swiftly flow the days

sunrise, sunset

swiftly flow the days

but not THAT swift. this summer was fun but LONG. towards the end i was trying to decide whether to give up sleep or grossly lower my expectations of what i can accomplish in a day. 

school started much to my chagrin and delight. i was excited for the big kids but at the same time i know that no one will love them like i do. i don't want rotten kids influencing them. on sunday night thomas gave them both priesthood blessings and i was so anxious that i got one of my own too. this school year is as much mine as it is theirs. each time i receive a comfort and inspiration in the form of blessing from my dear husband i realize a little bit more how lucky i am. sweet is the peace the gospel brings. 

lunch by request:

1. water bottles. my kids do not like juice boxes

2. bagels with cream cheese. sammiches are passe.

3. grapes. everyone's fave fruit and choking hazard.

4. brownie cupcakes. the easiest way to transport brownies. and the top is like one big corner piece. and i love me a corner piece. 

is this the little girl i carried?

is this the little boy at play?

i don't remember growing older,

when did they?

reagan didn't seem that keen on his dorky, embarrassing parents walking him to his classroom. such is the life of a 2nd grader.

what's so dorky and embarrassing about a flying baby with her sleeper unsnapped and flapping in the breeze?

scarlett walked into her kindergarten classroom like a champ and didn't look back. i stood there for a while and stared at her until it seemed bit awkward for the rest of the class. 

they don't even need me anymore.

confession: i miss them

we'll be out here as long as it takes

growing up, family yard projects were a pretty big deal in the beck household. whilst the neighbor kids were having fun, all 5 beck kids were being tortured in the yard with weeding, tree removal, shrubbery trimming and one very special summer, sprinkler system installation. because thomas and i were both so blessed, thomas and i wanted to continue the tradition with our lucky, lucky children. we kicked the summer off with a special "weed's day" (reagan's term) on memorial day and we've been able to re-celebrate weed's day on multiple saturdays since. 

the tradition continues:

i actually feel a little bad for the kids. mostly because i agree with them; it isn't fun, it was hot and there were bugs aplenty(to scarlett's delight). but kids who don't know how to work are rather annoying and i don't want to contribute to that epidemic(how old am i?). the worst part though is when all the neighbors loaded up their kids and all their pool toys and headed up to the pool, while we were sweating it out in the yard. that's a hard one to explain. at least the kid's penchant for wearing their grubbiest clothes finally paid off. 

as i was coercing the kids to more fully participate in the yard work process, i had several flashbacks of some doug beckisms i experienced in the yard. i was repeating almost verbatim some choice phrases.

doug beck- "if we all pitch in, this will only take about 30 minutes." i think i heard my dad say that more than any other phrase in my entire life. 

kids-"i don't want to do this!"

doug beck- "surprise! i don't either!" 

kids- "how much longer?"

doug beck- "as long as it takes!"

kids- "none of the neighbor kids have to do this!"

doug beck- "none of the other kid's parent's love them as much as i love you!"

kids- "what if it starts to rain?"

doug beck- "then we have to finish in the rain."

(which is one of my favorite memories from growing up. all 7 becks in the yard during a thunderstorm pulling weeds. everything we were wearing was ruined, we were up to our knees in mud and the neighbors thought we were nuts.)

before:

after:

if doug beck taught me anything, he taught me how to remove a shrubbery without the aid of power tools. perhaps to know a bit what life was like for my pioneer ancestors?

i broke off most of the branches by hand, used a hack saw to sever all the roots and pulled the base out with my own two hands. all while engaging my core for a more dynamic workout. 

this removed shrub is for you dad!

head above water

you're wondering how my summer is going? well, thank you for asking. i'll tell you. 

it's been fun. and by fun i mean exhausting. i'm dying. this has been the busiest summer and i kind of can't wait to not be so fun anymore. everything housework-wise has hopelessly spiraled out of control and is only getting more and more ridiculous. i'm really looking forward to getting back to mopping and vacuuming on a semi-regular basis. 

i'm trying really hard to be a fun mom and a spiritual mom and a homework mom. add all those elements and you get schizophrenic mom. 

i think the kids wish i would simply concentrate on being fun mom. they don't even care if i'm laundry mom since the big kids both really only want to wear old, gross clothes or dress up costumes. and babycakes is happy with a clean diaper. 

i took a few shots of our most recent family home evening lesson. i think the big kids were really wishing for fun mom at this point. 

the AGONY of a lesson about prayer. 

 reagan looks like he could be praying, but in actuality he was pouting about being asked to contribute to the lesson by answering questions. 

feeling the love:

 and these were their outfits for the library this afternoon.

on reagan: the grossest, rattiest shirt he owns

ripped up jeans in 100 weather

the stinkiest shoes ever to be forged out of plastic

on scarlett: size 3T snow white costume

pink floral sneakers

hair that may or may not have been brushed since we went swimming earlier today

i guess i am encouraging them to make their own sartorial decisions? or these creative experiences will allow them to base their self-worth on their inner beauty rather than their outer beauty? or they are demonstrating the 2nd law of thermodynamics or law of increasing disorder(i am homework mom after all)? frankly, i've no room to talk. i was happy that i moisturized after my 230pm shower after hitting the gym and swimming and lunching with friends. but no one forced me to put on the same yoga pants and t-shirt that i wore yesterday afternoon. that was my own disgusting choice.

and babycakes in her diaper. she still loves me. and she rolled over today. 4 times! olympic fever! plus, she's sleeping from 8pm to 8am. i'm glad i'm doing something right. 

the big kids

the gruesome twosome have a new nomenclature in our home: 

THE BIG KIDS

scarlett and reagan are now THE BIG KIDS, whereas before they were just the kids playing around and fighting and making messes, now it's the BIG KIDS doing those things. i'm glad they have each other, because now more than ever they need to fend for themselves for food and entertainment. their latest game is called "moving". it's as bad as it sounds. they take a bunch of junk from scarlett's room down the hall and load it into random boxes and wrap it in blankets and push it to reagan's room. and then they leave it scattered and half unpacked all over the place for the next 2 months like a real move. it's quite realistic.

the only part of the game they haven't gotten to yet is the BONUS ROUND. the part of moving where you stay up until the wee hours of the morning packing boxes and wondering why you have a bunch of junk that you hardly use or haven't even seen since the last time you moved. then you start the swearing in your head. at least you hope the swearing is only in your head. the next morning after 3 hours of sleep you don't shower and you don't reapply deodorant(because you packed that last night in a box with a bunch of christmas ornaments, of course)and spend the day sweating and cleaning and loading a moving van and using muscles only meant to be used while competing in the olympics and wearing a singlet. 

the BIG KIDS definitely haven't gotten to that part of the "moving" game. 

so, today after a few chaotic games of moving we spent 3 hours cleaning up 2 bedrooms. one bedroom which isn't even used for sleeping because a certain little girl prefers to sleep in her brother's room. 

this was the end result.

i had to take a picture to prove it really happened for posterity.

(it's amazing the splatters you can find on walls, even when food and drink aren't allowed out of the kitchen.)

and the stink eye from both of the BIG KIDS when i wanted to document how cute it is that they choose to share the bunk beds in reagan's room.

no horses for 5 year olds

i've softened in my old age and for scarlett's 5th birthday, i actually tried to buy her things she would want and not things i wanted her to have. it was hard, but we are both growing up fast. 

first on the list was anything with disney princesses on it. i'm not a disney princess fan, but then they don't sell Gone With The Wind pajamas. otherwise we would all wear them, and then take a family picture.

secondly, she had been begging for this "hair styler set". since she loves when i do her hair. not really.

thirdly, now i can go to target without her asking to check on the current stock of the hello kitty alarm clocks. 

she also wanted a wedding cake for her birthday, but this is as good as it gets these days. i will try again. notice the requisite car on the cake. that's her thing lately. cars on cakes.

then she wanted a big party with horses. when i told her that horses weren't a possibility she told me to just buy some. she's a problem solver. we went for the pool party instead. i don't believe in children really having input on financial decisions anyway.

this year thomas ordered the cake so there were no "bad" words on scarlett's cake. i say if it's in a quote, then it's not that bad.

i'm sure that no one wanted any food i was serving since i was sweating worse than 2 rabbits wrestling  in a wool sock in august. it was a delightful 102 at 5pm. 

 even though there were no horses(i did smell like a horse, if that was any consolation), the party seemed to be a hit.

my little baby and my big baby. they both drool a lot when they see me. 

the human toothpick:

scarlett defending her candle blowing out privileges from reagan. i wanted her to use more elbow like i would have done but she only has 1 brother to work with. i became proficient at elbow throwing at a much earlier age due to my experiences with 3 brothers harassing me. 

pinatas seem to be our thing for birthdays. 

scarlett is a very gracious gift receiver. i love to watch her open presents. she's like my sister heather in that regard. she could be opening a pillowcase and act like it was gold bullion. simple pleasures. 

scarlett is my dream come true. i love having her as my daughter. her sense of humor is legendary, her eyelashes are incomparable in length and fullness, her stream of excuses for not helping clean up are always original and clever, her vocabulary is always extensive and surprising. listening to her sound out words when she reads make me want to learn to read all over again. my favorite thing to wake up to is her slurping all the water out of my water cup next to my bed. it's the best way to greet 5am. 

a name and a blessing

on sunday, thomas was able to name and bless athena blythe in church. both my mother and thomas' mother were able to come out for the event.

could the big kids be any less photogenic? really. it looks like they were asked whether they would rather have nails shoved up their noses or take some family pictures and they VERY reluctantly chose family pictures. they take after their father in that regard.

the blessing was so lovely. she was blessed with so many wonderful things and i felt so strongly that the words of the blessing were really for her. i tried to write down as much as possible and i felt very strongly impressed by the Spirit when thomas blessed her with the ability to be fearless in standing for righteousness. it reminded me of how much i need to be dedicated to the gospel so that i can teach her to be fearless about righteousness. 

 i think the one of the most incredible and humbling aspects of parenthood is knowing that i have a Heavenly Father who wants me to pray to Him for guidance. He loves me and has blessed me with a wonderful family and He wants to guide me in loving and raising my children. the best parenting advice i ever got was to pray for forgiveness each night. each day i make mistakes(and yell. a lot.) but Our Father wants me to keep trying. 

how can i not want to try harder each day when i look at that perfect face? (athena blythe, not me.)

newsflash

apparently i do like babies. i'm surprised too.

 having 3 kids is hard. not harder than i thought, but thinking and doing are two different things. and right now i can only handle one thing at a time.

athena is at 7 weeks today. she's sleeping for 6-7 hour stretches at night, and sometimes even longer. she is the gassiest baby i've ever had, and that's saying something. she graduated from the swaddler newborn diapers, which makes me really sad because those ones smell the best. 

and is it weird that i'm still debating in my mind about whether i want her to go by athena or blythe? the double name thing isn't going to happen and i'm still not sold on athena as her first name. the whole time i was pregnant blythe was the name front-runner, but then i changed my mind last minute. pregnancy and delivery is probably not the best time for me to be making decisions anyway. she normally is just referred to as "baby" and i occasionally forget what her name is when asked by people i don't know. too much pressure!

since we all want to know more about me, here's the 411: i've being trying to be less uptight and more go with the flow about schedules, and cleaning and being nice and whatever, but that's just not going to happen. i'm not fun and i'm not relaxed and that's how it's going to be. poor thomas. i've started grinding my jaw in my sleep again because i can't seem to keep up with the housework. it drives me nuts! thankfully meatball still is on crumb control so he's on my team as far as a clean house. 

thomas knows well how i deal with stress and he bought me some new running shoes for mother's day and i've been able to get out and run again. at the gym today it was mostly the geriatric crowd on the track and i felt like a gazelle compared to them. tender mercies.

 my other stress reliever is reading books and since i'm mostly nursing, i've seem to have time on my hands to read. as long as those other kids will leave me alone. i've probably read 10 books since athena(or blythe!) has been born. however, due to sleep deprivation, my ability to recall what they were about is pretty low. 

but life is good and i shan't complain, even though it is one of the things i am best at.

athena(or blythe!)wrapped in my baby blanket.