62 bucks

i woke up this morning to find scarlett's left eye red, swollen and overflowing with oozy, gloppy eye-boogers. after a quick(less than 90 minutes) trip to the doctor, scarlett has a presciption for the cold that is now living in her eye.

the doctor warned me that the eye drop presciption would be pricey. i thought 20-25 bucks? i can drop that like it's hot. totally worth it. my little girl has baby pageants to win and 6 foot tiaras to wear and she can't do that with an oozy, festering eye.

BEHOLD:

the $62 bottle of eye drops! YIKES! BIKES!

i am a proud brigham young university graduate class of 2002. so proud that i have an alumni license plate frame. however, i am seriously considering taking it off of my car. if you live outside the intermountain west, BYU means one thing-mormonism. and lately i have been having a slew of bad luck in my Es-Ca-Pey(it's high falutin' if you pronounce it like that) and don't want my poor driving experiences to sully the name of my church.

recently, we had a warm day and i took my car in to be washed at a local do-it-yourself-car-wash. luckily there was one spot where there was no one waiting and so i quickly pulled into the available spot. as i was doing so, i realized that i had just cut in front of two of the oldest people on earth. after i realized my mistake i tried to make amends with methuselah and his wife, sofia petrillo, by backing up and letting them go. they weren't having it and i know they were eyeing my license plate frame and drawing nasty conclusions.

plus, i have a nasty habit of only allowing one car in front of me when there is a traffic jam in a parking lot. some people really hate that. it only seems fair to me that no one should be able to cut to the front of a traffic jam.

and sometimes if you were foolish and pulled into the middle of an intersection while the light was changing to red, i will try and get as close to you as possible in order to let you know that i don't appreciate your stupidity. i believe that if you are scared that i may hit you, you will finally learn safe driving courtesy.

plus, if you are a teenager and are texting on your phone while driving. i will honk at you and stare you down. i am a pretty firm believer that teenagers should only be allowed to drive with their parents.

the end.

"friendship" tag is still my personal hell.

athletic competition and i have never been friends. the first time in my life that i became truly aquainted with personal prayer was in elementary school when i would pray for the ability to get through gym class unscathed. this continued through most of my public school education. "friendship" tag(read-fag tag) is still my personal hell. long jumping, rope climbing, pull ups and timed sit-ups should be considered cruel and unusual punishment. though i may love a good redneck, square dancing is not for me. and heaven forbid i play any game involving a ball. especially when they are flying at my face. volleyball and basketball were the two most dreaded gym glass activities. i always thought that our gym teacher, mrs. mccormack, had a diabolical streak to her. she would assign kids to teams and then sit back in her wheeled desk chair and chug coffee and eat little debbie snack cakes while i braved the peril of team sports. the resentment still burns within me today.

this being known, it should shock the socks off everybody that i am currently on a volleyball team. for real. we are called the steamboat willies and we are comprised of 9 lovely and talented ladies from church. last night was our second game. it must be noted that last night should be considered our first game as last week we somehow ended up in the A league. thanks to our team leader rochelle's torn ligaments in her foot(really) mercy was shown on us and we were moved to the B league. more like the D+ league. we fit in much better over there.
i asked my sister to take a few pictures for the blog and of the 3893 pictures she took, these few are the only pictures that are post worthy. i should have known that she would take advantage of my game ready crouch. most of the other pictures are close ups of my backyard. not exactly the view i was going for.

a few pictures of the caboose are helpful. most of us really don't know what we look like from behind. everyone should have a picture or two to know if you should wear a pair of pants again.

obviously these pants do nothing for me. or my volleyball skillz.

i plan on sending this picture to mrs. mccormack with the caption:
it's a lot easier to serve a ball over the net when someone is not barking orders at you from a wheeled desk chair.
unfortunately i only served over the net twice. my strength really lies in other areas. like sitting in a wheeled desk chair eating little debbie snacks.

the opposing team had it's own resident celebrity, jamie lynn spears, sporting the grey sweatshirt. i didn't know she was a jayhawks fan. i made it heather's personal mission last night to get a picture of jamie lynn from the front. this was as good as she could do. apparently she was too busy taking pictures of my derriere.

reagan wasn't too thrilled with having to sit at the rec center in his pajamas on office/scrubs/30rock night.

ps- we actually won one of our three games last night. tender mercies indeed.

my twelve loves of christmas 9-12

yeah, so i'm still posting about christmas. but this is the last post on the subject. then i'll be back to my regularly scheduled blathering.

9. watching bowl games and movies and "very special" christmas programming on tv.
(my beloved crimson tide playing like smell-o-vision against the my least favorite team ever,ever,ever, utah.)

i only wish that the powers that be would have shown my personal fave, "a very brady christmas".

10. the powers that be did grant thomas a little bit of time off to spend with us. books were read. messes were made. giggles were heard. general merriment was made.

and big T did have the most outstanding(and paycheck earning) talent at the talent show, presenting the six key causes of the credit meltdown in less than two minutes. how many of you can do that? there were no pictures taken because i was in utter shock at his financial whiz-iness.



11. visiting the Christus statue and the display of nativities at the independence visitor's center. there were over 300 nativities on display and my children didn't touch a single one of them.

12. i received my first nativity set ever. i love it. it is from my aunt ana in texas. i cried when i opened it. i have wanted one of these for so long. how do you teach your children the true meaning of christmas without a nativity?

my twelve loves of christmas, 5-8

5. family talent(or untalent) show

heather and mom played something wonderful,

steve and sarah amazed us with their guitar and singing talents. they were so good that i was embarassed to go next.

i busted out the violin and played the theme from schindler's list. because that just screams merry christmas.

mark and dad did a combo number with david holding the music. that david is so talented.

6. reading the christmas story in luke 2.

GHOST HANDS!!!

7. eating/family time-they are pretty much the same thing

this is what happens when you can't read and you decide to make pancakes and haven't showered and have your picture taken with your sarah palin glasses:

huge pancakes and a greasy, scary face. just like denny's!

scarlett eating ice cream. and then pouring it on her head. i don't like to brag, but she is definitely my daughter.

what everyone did whilst mother, heather, thomas and i slaved away preparing the meals!

reagan couldn't take anymore family time. he was unrevivable.

and this picture is just funny. feel free to slap your knee.
artistic, photojournalistic and realistic.

my twelve loves of christmas, 2-4

2. slipper socks. it is not christmas until i open a pair from my mother. this has been a tradition for as long as i can remember. except, when i was little i received booties. but not booty, mind you; a little junk in the trunk was not on my christmas list. too bad i got some anyway. santa is so generous. pirate booty would be fun too.

3. holiday parties. big T and i went to a sooperfun party where we were taught to make sushi. i was a pro. next time i go to a pet shop, those fish better watch out. raw fish are no match for me. plus, i got to wear my fantasticamazing chinatown top!

4. gingerbread houses. don't let that box fool you, this house was made from scratch.

my twelve loves of christmas, number 1

my christmas card door!!! few things make me more excited than posting my christmas cards on the door in my living room. especially christmas letters. the longer and more detail oriented the better. (except for the one time i read about sister X's decision to finally stop breastfeeding after nearly 17 straight years. different children, of course. breastfeeding a 17 year-old would take forever.) i take great pleasure in reading the 7 page, 10 point font discourse of your family activities from the past year. seriously. i experience unreal glee as i tape the letter with the *gasp* picture card next to it onto my door. what did we do before picture cards??? sometimes when the kids are asleep and i am enjoying the glow from the christmas tree and a hothothot cup of cocoa in my 54 oz mug, i will wander over to the door and stare. i'll reread your funny witticisms and take notes of ideas that i will steal from your letters so that i may covertly slip them into my letter for next year. i'll rearrange the cards for a more aesthetically pleasing layout. occasionally, i will shed a tear. christmas is a truly magical time of year. and it makes me rhyme without even trying. thomas usually has to ask me to take the card display down. by march the cards are drooping and many of you have already added more children to your flock. and then i start anticipating next years cards.

your quotient of quotables

since i have been completely busy this past month, but not with anything really blog worthy, i will give your a snapshot into some of our recent activities. consider yourselves lucky.

BYU played utah. we watched it. i made these cupcakes to share my feelings about utah. unfortunately, they were more explanatory of how BYU played in the 4th quarter.

we have had a few family dinners at my parent's house. that is one of the best perks of moving near family, sunday dinner at the grandparents house. plus, heather and i like to have pictures of ourselves taken, so naturally, there was an impromptu photo shoot. best yet, i am wearing my sweater cape. i love it. they're not just for hippies and teenagers.

unfortunately,(or fortunately, if that's how you choose to look at it. i'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.) something smelled really bad as we were taking this picture.




heather, katie and i ran the sprint thanksgiving day turkey trot 5k. it was really cold and i ran really slow and i was mad at myself for the rest of the day. heather and katie ran fast and i hated them for the rest of the day. also, i lost my ipod about 6 months ago so i ran in silence. heather is showing you that she is number 1.

heather made a special birthday cake for a deal, sweet friend of ours. too bad the cake turned out looking like barf on a plate. happy barfday. i hope she wasn't offended. heather really did try hard.

big T and i took the kids to kaleidescope one saturday. regular season college football is over so our saturdays are suddenly wide open. before this picture was taken, this comment may have been said:

big T- "now don't get offended when i ask you this, but, don't you think you dress like a teenager sometimes???"

i have no comment for that.

we had an official-school-is-cancelled-don't-leave-your-house-or-you-will-risk-certain-death-snow-day last week. so i immediately jumped in my car and spent the day at my mom's house. i love having 4-wheel drive.
missouri snow is not like beautiful, soft, mountain snow. missouri snow is the kind of snow that sits on top of a sheet of ice and tricks you into thinking it is fun and safe. you run outside in your snowsuit and boots and attempt to play in the frosty delight while unbeknownst to you, pain and destruction are lingering around every corner and on every surface. if you thought the treadmill massacre was bad, imagine me walking down the driveway. and if you look toward the sky whilst it is snowing, a sharp, pointy snowflake could slice straight through your eye to your retina.

cue the ahhhs:

i apologize if the wallpaper makes you dizzy. it takes a while to get used to.


uncle bonecrusher is back in town for the break so we had a short fashion show to celebrate. we went through our old winter coats and rediscovered this choice gem:

this was my winter coat in the fifth grade. yes, i wanted to wear this fashion monstrosity. i reallyreallyreally wanted a real fur coat, but i had to settle for this faux version. i am not sure what type of animal it is supposed to be, but it seems to resemble a mangy sheepdog who met it's demise by being run over by a snow plow.

neon earmuffs. we beck kids had no shame. warmth was a key factor in how we dressed, not cool-ability. being shunned by other kids because of what we wore gave us backbone. and a long list of people we would like to take revenge on.

scarlett, cranky scarlett. cheese, processed cheese. me, cheesy me.

hotdogs. they get me pretty excited too. (it was processed food day, sort of like every other day.)

merry christmas

to whom it may concern, and to whom it may not:

dear dick, (the senior citizen who exercises in crisp, dark blue jeans)

your concern since my little accident last friday has been most appreciated. you are too kind. however, since it has been SEVERAL days since the treadmill massacre,(as it will be heretofore be referred to as) would you please stop mentioning it every chance you get? there ARE other things to talk about. i am okay. actually, i am better than okay! i am superb!
while i know that i am about as athletically inclined as a baby deer taking it's first steps, the long wary glances toward the scene of the accident are unneccesary. though i have a few visible bruises, the deep, penetrating gazes into my eyes to make sure that i am not lying about being okay are a little more than just creepy. your gasp of horror when i stepped onto the treadmill today was beyond silly. i am already paranoid about my clumsiness; your obsession with my personal well-being is making it worse. i ran today and it felt GREAT! however, having you stand 3 feet from the treadmill while i ran made me extremely uncomfortable. please cease and desist or i will be forced to switch gyms.
sincerely, heidi

dear terri,

i am also grateful for your concern. but yesterday was just plain weird. thank you for asking me if i am okay. but, no thank you for asking me in a very loud voice so that everyone in a 20 foot radius could hear you, about the large, strange bump on my forehead. no, it is not a bruise from the tragic treadmill massacre. it's just a really big zit on the middle of my forehead. i am an adult who has been blessed with adult acne. thanks for pointing it out and making everyone else aware too. you're the best.
love, heidi

floats like a butterfly...stings like rug burn

all the thoughts that went through my head after i flipped off the treadmill and i nearly killed myself this morning in front of every single person at the gym:
1. pleaseplease don't let my teeth be broken.
2. and not my face, anything but my face. now i'll never be a teen model!
3. does this mean i need to switch gyms again? will i forever be known as the dummy who fell off the treadmill?
4. is this a dream? perhaps a nightmare? please let this be a dream and have big T come and rescue me.
5. are my clothes still on? if this is a dream, my clothes could have easily fallen off my body. stuff like that happens in dreams. and then everyone from junior high shows up and laughs at you.
6. pleaseplease don't let me cry. or making any embarassing gaspy, sobbing noises.
7. i knew i was a clumsy fool, i didn't know i was teetering close to endangering the lives of those around me.
8. did i lose conciousness? where did all these people come from? there a 12 people standing around me. are they talking to me? who is this "heidi" person they speak of?
9. did i utter any naughty words mid-flight?
10. but seriously, is my face okay?

so, i fell off the treadmill this morning at the gym. i had been running and then i decided that i needed to go to the bathroom and i left my machine on at full speed, hoping to just jump back on where i was. but since i don't live in graceful gazelle world, more like lumbering bear world, that proved to be an impossible task. this particular gymnastical feat takes an extra special kind of uncoordinated person. dick, my special senior citizen friend who wears crisp, dark blue jeans to work out in, was the first one on the scene to assess the damage. i think i was only unconscious for 30 seconds tops. but that was 30 seconds too long. of course i cried. mostly from sheer embarassment. and punctured pride. and the realization that i had smacked my face on the edge of the treadmill and that the speeding ramp had taken all the skin off my little, delicate shoulder and knees. one quote was, "you just kept bouncing... and then rolling." and i had to beg them not to call an ambulance. seriously. something about my eyes rolling back into my head. and some squirty blood. but who's afraid of a little blood? now i just look tough. hopefully this big red mark on my cheek will deepen into a bruise just in time to go out tonight with thomas so that everyone will think he is a wife beater. and then i will have to explain to everyone, "no really, i fell down. he's no ike turner." because people's faces look like they have been punched when they fall down.

and the first question asked by my dear sweet sister after i re-told her the gory details of the incident:
does your gym have surveillance video so that i can watch it?

and for the rest of you sick-Os wondering the same thing? no, there is no permanent record of this freak treadmill accident. thank you for your concern.

heidi heidi-do, where are you???

i must apologize for dropping off the face of the earth. i haven't checked email, i haven't checked blogs, i haven't been eating, i havent' been sleeping. i haven't done much of anything since last monday night. i have been busy reading. i liken myself to saul on the road to damascus. i was a persecutor. a mocker. a non-believer. but now i have seen the light, i know the truth, and now i need forgiveness. count me in with the believers. i have read twilight and i know that it is good. it is sweet unto my soul.

it all started last weekend when i went to see the twilight movie with some friends. my interest was limited to just having fun. and it was fun. but the next morning when i woke up and all i could think about was the movie and all my questions that needed answers, i knew i was smitten.( or bitten???)

but i was going to be in control of the situation. i wasn't going to jump headfirst into the book. i was going to be a casual reader. i just borrowed one book at first. when i finished that one less than 24 hours later, i borrowed the next two books. by saturday i needed the fourth book. let me be clear, i could care less about vampires and werewolves and any other type of nonsense. this is beyond nonsense. and i am well aquainted with nonsense.

i found myself reading any chance i could find. i carried the books around in their own little protective bag. i made a special twilight bookmark. i think big T hid it from me just to play with my mind.

i read-
whilst blow drying my hair:

whilst exercising:

on a side note, this pic really makes me want to grow my bangs back out. shaggy dog! or should i say, shaggy werewolf???

whilst cooking:

whilst driving: i would get a small pang of excitement if i knew i was going to be at a long stoplight and i could sneak in a paragraph or two. i shrieked with delight when i realized that i was going to be stuck at a railroad crossing for about 5 minutes!

whilst parenting:

have i just had my ticket punched for the crazy train? certainly. but what a way to go!!!

in conclusion, my family thinks i'm nuts. i'm completely exhausted. i ran my slowest time ever at my race on thursday. i made a blood red velvet cake for thanksgiving. but for reals yo, i would totally recommend this series of books. drama, humor, teenage-angst, thinly veiled gospel messages, cheesiness and it was completely clean(i feel completely guiltless about reading it in the church foyer yesterday after church). it's all that and a blood smoothie. drink it up. what more could a girl ask for?

if you would like to read my pre-book reading twilight movie analysis, click here. i will also being posting my individual books reviews there. i know you are dying to hear more pointless ramblings from me.